30 in 30 for 30

Well... it's here. Another decade in the books.

Though these last thirty days driving through Proverbs has been fun, it's been one of the harder things I've done (learning dead languages rank higher...).

The book of Proverbs is not a list of predictions. They're proverbs. They're wise sayings and observations about life. I've read them a few times, and I learn new things every time.

These Proverbs address Wisdom and Folly. Yeah, I've mentioned that a lot. But then, I stumble into Proverbs 30. Agar, the son of Jakeh, is someone we don't know much about. What he does sound like is someone who's an everyman, somewhere in the middle between Wisdom and Folly:

"I am weary, God, but I can prevail. Surely I am only a brute, not a man; I do not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I attained to the knowledge of the Holy One." v. 1b-3
"Two things I ask of you, LORD; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much disown you and say, 'Who is the LORD?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." v. 7-9

I am weary.

I've been in the middle of a betrayal in a church, which led to its doors being closed. For awhile, I lost hope.
I've had some friends die too young. Death is a horrible, unnatural thing.
I've seen students turn away from Jesus.... hard. My heart aches... longs... yearns... for them to return to the cross.

And yet, here I am. Jesus sustains me fully when I am in despair.

Maybe I'm being overly dramatic.

It's really easy to look back on 30 years and feel like you haven't done much. Social media doesn't help. You see your friends either getting married, popping babies, getting promoted, growing in ministry. It's really hard to not compare yourself.

But, as I continue to be more self-aware, Jesus reminds me of the joys He has given to me:
- A family who loves and supports me.
- Amazing friends, both near and far, who love and affirm me, despite my best efforts to deflect their compliments.
- Fellow ministry brothers and sisters who are being lead by the Spirit in radical, world-changing ways.
- Former students who are leaning into the difficult life that is following Jesus. That warms my heart.

I could spout 30 words of wisdom on what I've learned in 30 years, but my friend Tyler Braun (a better writer with more clarity than myself), did a fine job.

Here's a few of my own:

- Rest. Don't underestimate taking a Sabbath, a period of rest. God gave it to us as a gift. We should use it.

- Ask honest questions. Give honest answers. Be truthful. People within the Body of Christ are more merciful than you realize.

- Slow down. Take in the experience. Remember the details. I'm amazed how much little emotions, small details, and facial expressions, bring out the richness in recalling stories and ideas.

- Grow. I may be an overgrown child, but maturing is essential. It's a weakness as I sometimes forget to stop joking around. Nevertheless...

- Be joyful! You live once. But don't make that an excuse to throw it away carelessly. Live a life worthy of Jesus, who is, himself, a joyful person.

Cheers, Twenties. You've been formative. And memorable. And painful.

And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

29 in 30 for 30

"When the righteous thrive, the people rejoice; when the wicked rule, the people grown." v. 2

"The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern." v. 7

"If a king judges the poor with fairness, his throne will be established forever." v. 13

I've never ruled a kingdom. Have you? The closest I've ever gotten was the Kingdom of Hyrule (if you don't get that reference, you're dead to me).

Proverbs 29, as I've quoted above, has a few things regarding the rule of kings. Now, in our context it's hard to equate the meaning of kingdoms since we live in a democracy. The people have the power to vote and all that jazz. This is continued in Proverbs theme of living in Righteousness/Wisdom or Folly/Wickedness. These are proverbs of observation of what we all see in the world on our smart phones or computers or television screens every day: The results of following the path of wickedness/foolishness.

- The ISIS situation
- The revolution in Ukraine
- Broken systems of government, including our own
- Trails left behind from murders, and victims of sexual abuse
Yes, the list continues to grow.

What does this have to do with kingdoms? Well, first, that list of atrocities that happen across the globe? No one in their right mind approves of such things, except for the "...bloodthirsty hate a person of integrity and seek to kill the upright." (v. 10)
Coming from an Evangelical Christian point of view, we as believers mourn these evils just as much as the next person. We should not take delight in any person who suffers or dies, no matter who that person may be. Those are unnatural things.

Ultimately, I believe the Kingdom of Jesus will redeem all things. He will rule with a just and fair hand. When we feel like we're fighting a losing battle against injustice:

"The poor and the oppressor have this in common: The LORD give sight to the eyes of both." v. 13

This should reassure the oppressed that justice will come. This should also serve as a warning to those serving the kingdom of darkness that their time is running out!

In the Kingdom of Jesus, which we as Christians are to represent while on earth, means we seek to better the world around us, because Jesus seeks redemption of all things. We are to love one another, as the music video suggests. But I would go one further on the "Kite String."

This wisdom we've been reading about in Proverbs? It's the string that ties us. The wisdom of God that created the universe and the resurrecting power of the Spirit of God, who resides in us, is the string that ties us.
We are only free in the way God sees fit. He's God. Who are we to argue what freedom really means? He wants us to follow the heart, soul, and mind of Christ because being in unity with God is the very reason we were created!

I look forward to the day we can soar, freely worshiping and fellowshipping with the One who has known be before I was even in my mother's womb.

29 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 53 minutes.... that seems like awhile.


But eternity, freely being a son of God, will be longer... and much better. May the string that holds me never be snapped.

28 in 30 for 30

I'm a stubborn person.

In fact, all of us are pretty stubborn.

We're creatures of habit.
We don't like change.
If something changes, we complain a lot (see Facebook's reformats the last few years).
If we say we aren't stubborn, we're being stubborn about not being stubborn.

While working for a interior signage company, my stubbornness was addressed early on. I don't like to multitask. If I'm given a job or task, I don't like to be interrupted. I like getting in a groove. The requirements of the job, however, needed me to be able to drop something quickly to help my co-workers with a more demanding project or simply a task that needed more than one person.

I was interrupted all the time. I hated it. I don't like "time-is-money" mentality.

Over the 6 years I worked at the shop, I got accustomed to the rhythms of the job. I think I worked efficiently for the most part. I had my groove.
But once in awhile, when either my boss or my co-worker came up with a better, more efficient idea to help with workflow, I always resisted, thinking that my way is better.

This happens in life ALL THE TIME. We ALWAYS think our way is better than someone else's.

This is the basis of our sin. We think we can do better than God, then epically screw up:

"Those who forsake instruction praise the wicked, but those who heed it resist them. Evildoers do not understand what is right, but those who seek the LORD understand it fully." - Proverbs 28:4-5

Because of the Fall of Adam and Eve, we're cut off. We were made to be in total union with God, in relationship with Him in the purest sense, but we rebelled instead.

Thankfully, because of Jesus, we have hope. Hope to be reunited with God again, counted as righteous before him.

But we'll stumble along the way.

"Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Blessed is the one who always trembles before God, but whoever hardens their heart fall into trouble." - v. 13-14 

As Christians, we are no longer defined by our sinful nature. We are created in the image of God! We are valued because we look like Him! But, we're still broken. We will continue to sin. We will trip and fall, like the lemmings in the cartoon.

But broken implies that we can be fixed. As believers, we need to kneel before Jesus daily. In addition, as mentioned yesterday, we aren't meant to be loners. We are to be in community as believers. When you read the New Testament, a proper English translation for the word "you" should be "y'all" (something Southerners got right), because our faith isn't supposed to be something you do alone.

Confess your lives in vulnerability towards one another. This blog has mentioned that several ways over and over. It's counterintuitive in our culture to "show our weakness." But God uses our weakness against those who claim to be strong. Jesus' Kingdom runs counterintuitive to ALL thoughts on what kingdom, power, and control intend.

In our weakness, we are to see in each other the kind of love Jesus has for us. The shame we carry, thinking we are not good enough, is rubbish in the eyes of the man who lifts up our chin and says, "you are mine."

Don't be stubborn. If that's not possible, then be stubbornly submissive to the awe-inspiring love and power of Jesus on the cross.

27 in 30 for 30

This picture reminds me of a couple of things this time of year:

1. This was the celebration of one of my best friends, Jeff, getting married. He's the guy wearing the backwards baseball hat. Yes, his wife allowed for some reason. This was two years ago.

2. These two guys were my roommates for a season while living in Newberg, Oregon while I worked in the next town over doing youth ministry and sign production (yes, that's a job, and I was good at it... mostly). This was around 2009-2010. The guy in the middle, Matt, was a random acquaintance from Jeff's work falling on hard times, so he randomly became our third roommate. Despite the randomness of it, he and I became very close friends.

3. I miss these guys like crazy.

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, an the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice." - Prov 27:9
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." - v. 17

One of the hallmarks of my friendship, nay, brotherhood, with these two guys is that we all think very differently. Matt just became a lawyer and working with the state of Oregon on domestic issues. Jeff has been involved in social work with at-risk kids while studying church history and theology on top of getting a Masters in Counseling. And then there's me.
This friendship works because they both have unique ways of challenging me in life, faith, and shenaniganisms. There have been countless times when we've fought verbally, topics ranging from the ridiculousness of the Duck's uniforms (who wears booger green and urine yellow?) to various Atonement theories, and everything in-between.

They ask the right questions. And sometimes they'll stick their neck out and ask the dumb questions, because frankly, the obvious needs to be stated. They're willing to push into me, like a thorn, to get me to say what's really stirring in my soul.

Last night, there was a Men's ministry-type deal on Gordon-Conwell's campus. One of our professors, Jim Singleton, was our "guest speaker." In short, though he is a professor of Pastoral Leadership and Evangelism, he has been a pastor to many of the students here at GCTS. Last night, he addressed what it means to be a man in the church in light of the post-modern age.

Men have become isolated in the church. Looked down upon. The "Homer Simpson-ization" of men in the last 25 years has led them to become less spiritual leaders within the church. The numbers are overwhelmingly more women than men in church involvement. Now, this isn't an indictment on women. They are just as important to the Church. Nevertheless, Jim addressed some key issues about the wounds men hold:
- Our relationship with God. It's broken because of our rebellion, which is reinforced by the American mentality of individualism.
- Our relationship with our dad. It's a complicated relationship that has all sorts of awkward turns and expectations
- Our relationship with our mom. Same thing, though sometimes not as heavily associated.

What Jim was getting at was what are we doing to build support systems? Those three relationships are broken because we feel this shame and guilt for trying to repair them. There was a lot to unpack last night, and I could go on.

But Proverbs 27 reminded me of the relationships I do have, and how I value/invest in those relationships. The problem is that they're 3,100 miles away. It's hard to stay connected, especially when both Jeff and Matt are married men. It's just the way it is. Sure, we have phones, texting, e-mail, Facebook, etc., but I must stay connected to them deeply in order to retain this bond we have.

Who's your iron? What's sharpening you? What's poking at you in the right areas to get you to share your soul? God didn't make us to be alone. We're built for community. Use it.

26 in 30 for 30

This is my little brother, Uno.

Yes, he's a German Shepherd... with a Spanish name... owned by a Chinese family. We're diverse like that.

I love him. He's my buddy. I really wish I can have him with me at school, but I can't afford to keep him nor do I have the space to contain his energy.

He's over 2 years old, pure bred, and playful, active, and very friendly.

My mom is his primary caregiver. My dad got Uno for my mom for the purpose of keeping her company while he's on his long missions trips. My mom doesn't exactly share my enthusiasm for Uno, but she's warming up to the idea.

We all contributed, with the help of obedience school, training him. He knows how to sit, lie down, dropping items, heeling, fetch (though he gets bored of "fetch" easily). However, he loves pushing the boundaries with my mom. It's instinctual for him to see if he can be the Alpha male or head honcho of the family. Though he's much stronger than my mom, he clearly underestimates her powers. I know. I've experienced her powers.

Regardless of his training, he still does some pretty foolish things, as most dogs do. It's natural for him to do so.

I don't know why I'm thinking of Uno and this particular scenario when it comes to Proverbs 26. There are a few references to dogs, and they aren't exactly flattering allegories. When describing a fool, or one who follows Folly, they are, among other acute descriptions, "As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly." (v. 11)

This was an emphatic visual while at a youth camp in high school. While divided in teams, one of the games was to come up with an acted out miming of a Bible verse (I know, we're so edgy). One of my best buds was in the this group. While they performed, he was on his hands and knees crawling around. With a little bit of help from the camp kitchen/dishroom... yep, you guess it... they mimed Proverbs 26:11. It was gross.

I can't help but think that we do that, too. No, I hope none of you vomit then return to it to eat it up. That's straight up nasty.

What I'm saying is that we're foolish people. Old habits die hard. We return to the ugliness of our sin sometimes... and it makes us feel shameful. Back in ancient times, dogs were unclean and not looked upon as "household pets." We think that sometimes we just "fall" back into sin... we aren't responsible.
King David was a pretty wise person... yet clearly, he didn't "fall" into Bathsheba and "accidentally" kill her husband Uriah.
King Solomon was the wisest man on earth, bestowed the wisdom of the Lord. And yet, he gave into the world's ways of polygamy and the worship of idols. He didn't fall into it.

We're foolish people. We see it all the time all over the news every night.

And yet... for those who claim Jesus as their LORD, King, Savior.... we are no longer defined by our foolishness. We no longer bear the guilt, as Jesus took our sin on the cross! I'm grateful that God can call me His son, despite my foolishness, because he sees Jesus in me.

Foolishness makes us feel exactly that: foolish. Shamed. Despised. This is how the Enemy works. He isolates us, lies to us, and then comes down on us with a hammer.

But know this: If you know Jesus, and you declare Him your Lord... He has you. And He won't let go.

That's not foolishness.... that's grace.

25 in 30 for 30

"Having a public faith means not retreating into Christian subculture. Instead have friends who are not just Christians." - Timothy Keller

A little background about myself:
- I grew up in a Christian family. Both of my parents and all my siblings and bro-in-laws are Evangelical believers
- I attended Cornerstone Christian School for Kindergarten, then attended Portland Christian Schools from 1st grade  all the way through high school.
- Through middle school and high school, I was highly involved with my church youth group, as a regular attender and as a student leader.
- I went to George Fox University, a contemporary Quaker Christian liberal arts school in Oregon, majoring in Christian Ministries.
- I did youth ministry with Willowbrook Free Methodist Church, in affiliation with a local YMCA, then with Countryside Community Church, all in Sherwood, Oregon. Along the way I've worked alongside workers with YWAM (Youth with a Mission) and Young Life (a parachurch youth ministry).
- Now, I'm working on getting a Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, one of the top Evangelical higher education institutions in the country training up pastors, preachers, teachers, counselors, missionaries, and religious academics.

(To answer your questions[s]: Yes, I've known some people for over 20 years. I'm old. And yes, I love the Pacific Northwest... because it's the best)

Noticing a trend?

I've been in a Christian environment for most of my life. Most would argue, rightly so, that I've been in a Christian bubble for a majority of it.

Thankfully, many of you, both Christian or not, have pulled me out of that bubble over the years.

Yes, many jokes can fly from sheltered children such as myself who've never been exposed to the "horrors" of public school. At least I wasn't home-schooled, right?

However, this trend was something I saw as a youth leader. So many students were involved in church, youth group, FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes), Young Life, and a host of other Christian-related activities, on top of school, sports, friends and family. Wow, makes my head spin just thinking about it.

Proverbs 25 is a call back to Proverbs 10-22, with short, great pearls of wisdom and observation of how things are when you follow Wisdom/Righteousness or Wickedness/Folly. Yet, this chapter is on the heals of the Thirty Sayings of the Wise, which from my post two days ago is modeled after Egyptian wisdom. Chapter 25 was "compiled by the men of Hezekiah king of Judah (25:1). In this chapter, the allegory of consuming honey appears a few times. The gist of the honey allegory is this: consume some, but not too much, or it'll consume you.

I think this is the connection. Wisdom, ultimately, comes from God, but that doesn't mean everyday life and people can't share some healthy, good wisdom as well.

There are a number of people in my life who definitely do not believe what I believe. Because of this fact, they've helped challenge my faith. Their observations created a desire for me to dig further, not into doubt, but quite the opposite.

Paul commissioned us to be "in the world, not of it." (Romans 12:1-2)
Jeremiah told the Israelite exiles to contribute to the well-being of the city of Babylon. (Jeremiah 29)
Jesus engaged everyone he encountered, and challenged the religious to think harder and dig deeper.

This Proverb reflects this: the wisdom you seek ultimately comes from God, but don't be surprised if it comes from other places. Just don't mistake them for God as well, for He made all things.

I hope all followers of Jesus don't hide themselves from the world. We are to be in it. We are to engage it. Be challenged by it. And love the lost as Jesus loves us.

24 in 30 for 30

"Another one bites the dust."

I know. It's the title to a classic Queen song, but that's not what I'm talking about.

This phrase has stuck in my mind because someone said this to me, with a smile on their face, after Ted Kennedy died.

Disclaimer: I'm not politically inclined. I know, I should probably be a little more invested informing myself on what's going on in the country where I live, but I'll be like, "I love chickens," too. Not very useful.

The reason why "another one bites the dust" stuck in my brain was because this individual had so much glee in it. Yes, Ted Kennedy doesn't exactly scream out "saint." To say he's had a questionable morality in his political career is putting it very lightly... all circumstantial of course. But... someone died. Death is not something to be celebrated.

Look, I know I'm probably digging myself a hole several people want to put me in, but we all know it: We're highly annoyed by the political rants, messages, audio/video clips, because if I'm allowed to be honest, you're just tooting your own horn. Then the social media arguments happen, and then it just goes downhill from there.

"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them." - Proverbs 24:17-18

From that particular day when Ted Kennedy died, it's been in my brain because this individual, a brother in Christ, seems to have his priorities backwards, in my mind.

Most political frustrations I've seen on social media or the sarcastic remarks heard among friends about the political climate seem to be in the same way. I always think, "where exactly does your heart lie? Where's your hope found?"

Is our American government broken? Yes, and I think everyone agrees. But from what I've seen on either side "of the aisle," there's either an over reliance on the government to fix things, or remove the government control and hand it back to the people (translation: individualistic freedoms to do what you want).

If you're a believer, do you pray for those whom you disagree with politically? Let's go one step further... do you pray WITH them? How can you? You disagree with each other. You probably shouldn't even be in the same room! But that kind of reminds me of other people who shouldn't be in the same room:

The Church.

The Church is the most diverse group of people you'll ever encounter. If you gather every true follower of Christ around the world, you'll be all over the map; politically, culturally, etc.

The priority of the Church is my concern. We've been commissioned to spread the Gospel. The Good News. To all corners.

The challenge is this: If we're so tied up in making sure our political, legalist, or chocolate-milk-on-Friday agenda becomes reality, does that mean the Kingdom of Jesus takes a back seat?

I mourn a little for my friend who made that statement regarding Ted Kennedy, because that kind of attitude completely undermines his witness to others. Look, there are times where our speech must be convicting and correct wrongs that are against God's design. I'm all about that. Jesus was, too.

Think and act with wisdom... the whole point of the Gospel according to Proverbs. Everyone deserves an opportunity to know what Jesus is like, and you might be the only opportunity for them to get a glimpse.

23 in 30 for 30

We've switched gears. On the home stretch of the final week of my 20s, I think it isn't a coincidence that there's a corner turned in my continued reading of Proverbs.

Because of the weird division of chapters in the translation, Proverbs 23 is in the middle of the "Thirty Sayings of the Wise."

For some reason I've never noticed why there are "thirty sayings" in a wisdom literature text. After some digging, I found out that these sayings are related to a thirty-chapter Egyptian work called the "Teaching of Amenemope." Without much further digging, as this blog is just the musings of a non-academic, it seems that Solomon was willing to model his work after Amenemope, whether for stylistic reasons, or, from what I've gathered, common sense reasons.

The Thirty Sayings divided between Proverbs 22, 23, and 24 have the same pattern of bits of wisdom, but each saying is a little more elaborate than what we saw from Proverbs 10 through some of 22. Those Proverbs as I've mentioned were observations on how life goes when you follow Wisdom or Folly. These Sayings, however, have more depth and mirror the first nine chapters of Proverbs.

The wisdom God gave Solomon was worth more than any treasure you can ever imagine. And yet, it's curious that these Sayings mirror a different, non-Israelite ancient text. Is this the Spirit of God saying that the wisdom of common sense isn't isolated to just Christians? Well, I hope so, because as this blog has mentioned earlier, we don't exactly corner the market on common sense.

Much of these Sayings are directed towards people in power, or in a position to do some good. Some of them say don't abuse your power (23:10-11), while others are saying don't mess with fools (23:9).

Now, the famous saying about disciplining your child with the rod is in this text. I'm not touching that, because I'm not a parent, and EVERYONE has an opinion on spanking children.

One verse definitely stood out:

"Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off." v. 17-18

Boom. Gospel.

At an institution like Gordon-Conwell, every single one of us knows we aren't doing this for the money. In fact, a friend here posted on Facebook an article about the earnings of every college major in the country. Where does Religious/Theology/Clerical education fall? Fifth from the BOTTOM.
It's easy for us to look at the other side and have that "Stone to Bread" moment and just give up.

But. Our reward is our identity in Jesus, and the hope he has given us for a new life with the Father through his Spirit. That such excellent news.

Here's to the last week of my 20s.

22 in 30 for 30

If you say you've never fallen asleep in class, you're lying. Well, at least it's something I personally cannot pretend it never happened to me.

I can think of three distinct classes when I've fallen asleep.
1. In Incarnational Youth Ministry class junior year in college. It was an afternoon class, and it was after my Coaching Soccer (yeah, it was awesome) class every week in the Spring. I'm not the most in shape person ever, so naturally, after running around I was tired. I fell asleep in the middle of my professor's lectures a couple of times, and not because I did not find the discussions/topics interesting. And yet, this professor will hold my nap habits over my head to this day
2. Again, in college, in my Life of Jesus class (yes, I realize the irony. I've been in vocational ministry, but kept falling asleep in religious classes? Yeah, I'm confused, too). This is similar to the first. My sophomore year of college, I decided that I wanted to get a regular work out routine in the morning. Early morning. I used to competitively swim a long time ago, so I figured swimming in the morning at the local pool was a good way to boost my metabolism. Well, Life of Jesus was at 7:40 in the morning (my alma mater is nuts). Without fail, every time I swim in the morning, go eat a big breakfast, get to class, my body shuts down halfway through.
3. Every. Single. Algebra 2. Class. In high school. Freshman year. I'm in the back corner of a class run by a strict Lebanese, short, stalky, mustached man. And every time I fell asleep, the same thing happens. He would sneak over to my desk, in the middle of lecture, with a ruler, and slap my desk to jolt me awake. I'm really surprised I didn't fail Algebra 2.

"Pay attention and turn your ear to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips. So that your trust may be in the LORD, I teach you today, even you." Proverbs 22:17-19

As I mentioned yesterday we're tempted to always take the seemingly easy decision. In this chapter of Proverbs, this section of Scripture is leading into the "Thirty Sayings Of The Wise." To this point, we've gotten the gauntlet in the comparison between Wisdom and Folly.
We get it. Don't be dumb.
And when we get to the Thirty Sayings, they're written like commands. Lots of imperatives.
But like those times I've fallen asleep in class, we tend to fall asleep in life. We expect life to engage us. Really, I think life engages us enough.
Proverbs is not only about learning from Wisdom and trusting in God's will, but we are personally responsible to pay attention! We need to be prepared when life hits us in the face.

We may be more technologically advanced, but it's a little embarrassing how history has shown that we have the ability to pay attention for long periods of time. We distract ourselves constantly (no, this blog is not a distraction).

Paying attention doesn't have to be just our job or our school. It means everything in life:
- Are we taking heed to the emotional health of our fellow man?
- Do we see how our decisions effect those close to us, like your spouse/significant other, children, parents?

There's a lot in life we miss when we doze off. I'm guilty of this all the time. But thankfully, this doesn't define me. Jesus has given me His righteousness in exchange for our short-comings; our sin.

I think we can start paying attention to that.

21 in 30 for 30

Angel's Rest, Columbia River Gorge, Oregon

I'm a Pacific Northwest kid. I love the two quirky states of Washington and Oregon for a few reasons:

- Relaxed atmosphere
- Coffee/Food
- Family and Friends
- Nature

I've been to a lot of places in the United States. Obviously I'm biased, but I seriously think there's not a more beautifully diverse place than the Northwest. Both states have mountains above 10,000 ft, long stretches of ocean (with free parking... sometimes parking on the beach itself) with plenty of surf spots, majestic pine forests as far as the eye can see, great rivers, sounds, and bays, and high desert plains. The only thing I think is missing is a tropical rain forest. No, the drizzle we get for about 6-8 months isn't "tropical."

The picture above is a glorious view from Angel's Rest, a popular bluff many locals hike to get a 270-degree view from east to west in the Columbia River Gorge. It's also a challenging switchback-laden ascent for novices. If you're not prepared or in decent shape, it will whip you all 1,584 ft of elevation. This is one of MANY fantastic hikes in the Gorge, and it's not the only location to find good hikes. They're all over the place.

The last time I was at Angel's Rest was summer of 2013. I was leading a group of high school students and adult leaders. An older, kids-in-college couple in our group were especially for a treat... of sorts. Both of them have knee issues on top of other things, and Angel's Rest isn't exactly nice when it comes to knees. The great news is that both of them made it to the bluff! I loved encouraging them all the way up. It was a huge blessing to me (since they were my responsibility) but I loved the relief they got from accomplishing a seemingly impossible task.

I just read a couple of chapters from "The Art of Pastoring" by David Hansen. Hansen is an avid fisherman in Montana on top of his pastoring duties. I'll spare you the details, but he accounts a time he went hiking in the summer, and it went wrong quick. It started raining. Sideways. The worst. He and his buddy were in shorts and T-shirt, and they quickly got hypothermia. By grace the sun came out to save them, but Hansen accounted how he had a temptation moment, or what he called, a "Stone to Bread" moment.

He's referring to when Jesus is in the wilderness at the start of his ministry and the devil tries to tempt Jesus. What a fool. But the Son of Man was actually a man, and he was tempted. In fact, he fasted for 40 days! Instead of giving in, Jesus quoted Deuteronomy 8, "... man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." Amen.

As I've gone through Proverbs, I've wondered how I could gain all of this wisdom and righteousness and cast off wickedness and folly. How do I make myself more like Jesus?

In vocational ministry, as Hansen addresses, those who pursue that life will go through the wilderness. It's not a high-paying job, despite what Joel Olsteen says. Hansen was saying he's never encountered a pastor who missed their pastoring job, all that it entails, when they've moved on to something more lucrative. When we're pastors, the grass is greener on the other side FOR SURE.

Then I saw this verse in Proverbs 21:12 - "The Righteous One takes not of the house of the wicked and brings the wicked to ruin."

This whole chapter is another contrast between Righteousness/Wickedness - Wisdom/Folly literature. All kinds of great observations about our world. But verse 21 throws in something important: God sustains, even in our greatest weakness. He is the personification of Righteous. He is the Wise One. And He is good.

Are you in a wilderness? Is there a "Stone to Bread" temptation being dangled in front of you? What's on the other side that's so alluring?

For those of you in the wilderness... keep going. Jesus will sustain you. Hang on every one of His words. For they give life.

20 in 30 for 30

Yep. Just look at these two fools.

Adorable, right? Seriously, so much class.

The one on the right, with the Bomb Angry Bird clutched in his left hand, is my nephew Zachary. The other one is the nephew of my other brother-in-law. This was taken the day one of my sisters got married almost two years ago. I had the privilege of giving the wedding message. One of the coolest moments of my life so far.

Zach is a fun little dude. He makes little explosion and vehicle sounds when he's playing by himself, sometimes using very random objects as toys and his imagination. He's definitely his father's son. When "Baba" is in the room, there's no competition for Zach's attention. And from a story when Zach was with my mom at a grocery store, he knows how to work his cuteness with the ladies. Yep, lady killer in the making.

I couldn't help but think of him when I read this verse:

"Even small children are known by their actions, so is their conduct really pure and upright? Prov 20:11

One aspect of Zach's personality that I find freaking hilarious (his mom doesn't find it as funny) is that he loves to be "first." When we're walk together as a family, whether a hike or hanging around at a mall or whatever, he HAS to be up front. He doesn't like it when his older sisters are in front of him (Believe me, buddy, I KNOW the feeling). Because of this quirk, it draws out the competitiveness of his siblings, which in turn can get ugly, which in turn annoys my sister.

Who knows what kind of person Zach will be when he's a teenager, much less a year or two from now. But one thing is certain: He gets this little look on his face. We all know that look. The one that means you're up to no good, or your about to make the wrong decision because you want to. It's pretty obvious when he does it.

Sure, when we get older, we know how to hide it better, but not completely. Over time, as you build relationships with each other, you know how people react to certain things, like the stinking Myers-Brigg test. (*Sidenote, I don't really believe in personality tests... so take my opinion with a grain of salt).

"The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." v. 5

As we build community with one another, wisdom aides us in communicating our desires, gifting, and love for Jesus to each other. It's not perfect (again, sin just sucks), but it's progress. The only one who has the ability to completely see you for who you are is Jesus himself. All over the Gospels, he could see the hearts and motivations of his opponents. I'm going to assume the religious leaders of the time weren't poker players, but I'm sure they had some non-verbal sub-conscious ways of showing their displeasure with Jesus in spite of their best efforts.

From all this, it begs the questions
- What are the purposes that are deep within you?
- Are you aware of how obvious/not-so-obvious you are with those desires to other people?

From this, we can gather a better self-awareness of how we interact as the Church. We contribute something to the Body of Christ, but it can't function perfectly if we don't understand each other. Even when we try to hide our motivations, it tells others that you've got something to hide. We can't be closed-books in God's Kingdom.

19 in 30 for 30

Have you ever heard the term "rope-holders?" I've never heard this phrase until this past Spring, when I was potentially going to India for six weeks, but fell through due to a concern about my academic scheduling. The purpose of this term is essentially, "Who supports you? Who's there to pray for you, meet your tangible or financial needs? Who gives you guidance and wisdom?"

"Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. What a person desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar. The fear of the LORD leads to life; then one rests content, untouched by trouble." Proverbs 19:20-23

 This verse stood out as I contemplate the people in my life who have given advice or have shared wisdom:
- My parents
- Siblings
- Best friends
- Neighbors
- Teachers/Professors
- Bosses/Mentors/Supervisors

If you really think about your own list, it can become quite extensive.

If you claim to be a follower of Jesus, guess what? You're going to be in a community of people whether you like it or not. You will have an extensive network of people from all over the map (both literally and figuratively), at least I hope. People who are older or younger, near or far, poor or wealthy, etc. At the same time, being a follower of Jesus means following Jesus. Yeah, obviously, it's easier said than done, because of this annoying thing called sin.

Here's the rub. Clearly, Solomon is making it clear that wisdom shared from others who love you is paired with God's love and care for you. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, as long as we learn and grow from those mistakes. People who love and care about you are going to say hard things, because they want what's best for you. God is the same way! He told the people of Israel not to give in to idolatry. Why? Because idolatry is SO DESTRUCTIVE.

An old roommate is an avid rock climber. I don't know much about rock climbing, but I've seen in rock gyms or rope courses how the rope holders, or belayers, give advice as people move along the wall or rock face. They have a good view, and they aren't in it to trick people (at least I hope not). They want you to succeed! I'm sure my old roommate appreciates the view people have as he's perched on some ledge trying to figure out the best route possible (again, I don't know. I'm a fat guy, I don't climb things unless it's a tree house).

So the question is: Who are your rope-holders? Do we acknowledge their presence, or simply ignore them? Do we take heed? And when both your rope-holders and God is trying to instruct you, do you listen?

18 in 30 for 30

*Today's edition is short. It's the end of Reading Week, I got a paper to write, and Washington and Oregon are playing. Priorities, right?

"The lips of fools bring them strife, and their mouths invite a beating. The mouths of fools are their undoing, and their lips are a snare to their very lives." Proverbs 18:6-7

I've mentioned before in this blog that I tend to stick a foot solidly in my mouth. The first half of Proverbs 18 is about the consequences of foolishness. Sometimes, those consequences don't hit us right away, but they'll come sooner or later. It's pretty much inevitable, like being grossed out by this cow picture.

All of us have very foolish moments:
- We accidentally ask a woman, "oh, when's the due date?" without checking
- Send the wrong text message to the WRONG person
- Doze off at a light and lightly tap the BMW in front of you (yep, that happened to me)
- Save doing our taxes until the LAST minute
- Continually call a person the wrong name

Yeah, these are funny and mostly harmless. We as humans can endure a lot of stupid things. And yet...

"To answer before listening - that is folly and shame. The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?" v. 13-14

I'm stretching here a bit to make the connection (football game is on). Folly enters our lives because we're human and we make dumb decisions. We get ourselves in a mess, and sometimes it's so overwhelming we don't know how to handle it.

Where do we go when we're overwhelmed?

"The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." v. 10

This is not being chicken. This is being realistic. To this point Solomon has been comparing the pros of following Wisdom and the downfall of following Folly. Wisdom says, "lean on the One who made all things! He's got you! You aren't invulnerable from hurt or pain, but use your head. God is a strong tower!"



Speaking of foolishness... I'm going to go cry while I watch my Huskies get beaten to a pulp by the evil Ducks.

17 in 30 for 30

I'm just trying to get something in your ear! I'm being helpful!

Some of you might've seen this picture. It fits us very well.

If you can't tell, I'm the youngest.

I know, right? Who knew?

This picture was taken by a family friend of ours during Christmas 2010 in Montana. Our immediate family tries to be together about twice a year.

We're all over the place.

My oldest sibling, in the green, is a loving mother of three children and a GIANT shitzu and wife to an eye doctor from Montana. On top of those, she's an excellent BSF leader.

My brother, the tall one, is studying chemical engineering at the University of Oklahoma. We've all agreed he took all the scientific know-how from my other sister and me, because he has two other Masters in sciences. While in Oklahoma, he's moving up the ranks in the football reffing world. At this rate and his connections both in the college and pro ranks, our family will be cheering a ref in the Super Bowl in no time. (We can dream, can't we?)

My other sister, the one get the business end of my endless wet-willies, is happily married and a brand-new mother in Chicago! When she's not learning the ropes of motherhood, she's an excellent elementary school teacher. Between the two of us, we can cover the range of elementary to high school kids in ministry. Let's just say I handle teenagers better than elementary kids, and vice versa for her.

At the time of this picture, I was in Oregon, doing youth ministry. Back then I never imagined I'd be on the East Coast for school. I think the school part at the time was more unbelievable.

This picture sums up our relationship. I pick on the younger older sister (because I'm bigger, duh), the brother is the peace keeper (he will NEVER hurt a fly), and my oldest sister just laughs at us (probably because she's got her own kids to worry about). We've all got major faults and crazy quirks between us, like most siblings everywhere.

And I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Proverbs 17, in the midst of wisdom giving and the observation of how things are for both the righteous and the wicked, throws in a small wrinkle.

"Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife." v. 1

"Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." v. 6

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." v. 17

I'm extremely grateful for the family that I have. Sure, we've had rough patches, and we all certainly have had our differences, but they're still family. This particular chapter addresses how the family deals with conflict and harmony. At the same time, it points out that there are families that have done more harm than good to each other.

Having been in youth ministry, it was very common for me to disciple students whose families don't share the same beliefs. That can be really hard. Family is meant to be close in most cases. They might drive us insane, but somehow we still love them deeply.

I don't have a background in drug use, violence, getting arrested, or anything to "spice up" my testimony as a Christian. I came from a Christian family, and I through a Christian education my whole life. I used to be ashamed of that; not having a cool story. Sounds pretty boring.

But, the older I get, the deeper my gratitude becomes. I can't begin to describe how lucky/grateful/blessed I am to have the family I have, when I personally know of students hanging on for dear life to their faith in Jesus, because it's the only thing they've got when they're family turns on them. This might seem extreme, but this is nothing compared to the believers in the Middle East. It won't take long to find locals who've been banished from home, or worse, because of their commitment to Jesus.

In this chapter of Proverbs, God is firmly in the middle of family. He's actively keeping an eye on all of us. He feels the sting when family has abandoned one another. He rejoices when prodigal sons or daughters return home. In verses 3-5, He feels the insults: "Whoever mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker; whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished."

He is with us. Jesus is God With Us: Immanuel. We are barreling toward eternal union with our Creator in His Kingdom.
And yet, here's a challenge. In Luke 14, Jesus says "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." v. 26.

Wow. Okay. Keep in mind, Jesus is a master at using hyperbole and all sorts of other literary devices to drive his point home. No, he's not telling you that if you're a Christian, you have to hate everyone you love. That defeats the purpose. What he meant is this: If you have to choose between your family or me, who would you choose?

Like I said, I'm grateful for the family I have. But if I hold them to a higher regard than Jesus, I've lost the plot. No matter how great my family may be, they are nothing compared to Jesus.

I'm grateful to have such awesome siblings.
I'm grateful to have parents who love me.
I'm grateful that they all support me, pray for me, and help me whenever they can.

And yet...

I'm more grateful for the Cross. I have to be. Not out of fear or blindness. Because Jesus' love for me is so much deeper. More deeply than my family can ever fathom.

If you have a great family, this is hard to think about. Can someone love you more than your family? The answer is simply "Yes."

If you came out of a terrible family, this is great news. Jesus welcomes you to his family and his church, with open arms and a giant smile of delight.

16 in 30 for 30

I'm tired. And I'm a little peeved.

I'm in the middle of Reading Week. Yep, Gordon-Conwell is so hardcore because they know we don't have enough time to catch up on reading, so they give us two no-class weeks a semester. Cool.

I've been sleeping, studying, semi-getting-my-face-slapped-by-a-Hebrew-test, and writing all week. All I really wanted to do was take a breather and read some mindless pieces on sports, culture, and other nonsense. Then, I come across this little story about a writer's experience teaching children (bear with me, it's long-ish):

A real-life thing: A couple of years, one of the classes I was teaching included a special-education student I’m going to call A.J. Now, A.J. was a real sweetheart. And I liked him very much. He had all the traits that teachers hope for their students to have: a hard worker, respectful, courteous, so on. But he was a meek kid and had not yet grown into his face and wore glasses and had braces, and so it was almost impossible for him to avoid occasional ridicule from some of the more popular kids.One Friday, our school had Go Texan Day, which is during the rodeo season and when kids are allowed to dress up in their best Western gear. A.J., that glorious little man, came to school just completely done up. He had on his best jeans, his best button-up shirt, his best cowboy hat, his best boots, and the most amazing thing: spurs for his boots. SPURS, bro. Nobody ever wore them and he had them and they made the most beautiful sound. They sounded like happiness. They sounded like acceptance. They sounded like a day of not getting messed with. I saw him walking down the hallway to my class and he was just so pleased with himself and I couldn’t stop smiling. It was really just this incredible transformation. For the moment, he looked like a Mexican Paul Newman, in that he was just the coolest person on earth. And so he walked up and I shook his hand and told him he looked amazing and he smiled and even his braces looked perfect and he went to sit down.Two or so minutes later, after I’d welcomed the rest of the kids into class at the door, I walked in. And I saw he had his head down on his desk. So I called to him, I said, “A.J., you OK? What’s up, sir?” And he said nothing’s up, that he was fine, and just stayed staring at the floor. And then I heard it.Across the room, the most popular boy in the class and a known rapscallion, J.P., was walking around and I could hear the ka-chink, ka-chink, ka-chink of the spurs. HE HAD TAKEN THE SPURS FROM A.J. AS SOON AS A.J. HAD GOTTEN TO HIS SEAT. I called to him. “J.P., are those A.J.’s spurs?” And he said, “Yes, sir. A.J. said I could wear them.” And I looked at A.J. and it was pretty clear that he said J.P. could wear them but it was also pretty clear he said so in the same way that a gazelle would agree to being eaten after it’s been pinned down and bitten in half by a lion. I immediately felt all of my insides turn to fire.I made J.P. give A.J. the spurs back. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way A.J. looked after being de-spurred. That poor kid had just wanted to fit in. He had just wanted for people to think he was cool, or, at the very least, that he wasn’t uncool. And he had that hope snatched from him real quick (though, thankfully, only temporarily).

Okay, I'll say it: MEAN PEOPLE SUCK

I've been in youth ministry. Once in awhile, there's a mean moment you see (especially in junior high hallways) and your mind is thinking, "REALLY?! CAN YOU BE THAT MEAN?!"

I bring this up as I decided to read Proverbs 16 after reading that story.

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. The LORD works out everything to its proper end - even the wicked for a day of disaster. The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished." v. 3-5

First reaction? *Fist pump. Yeah! All those meanies will get their dues one day by God! That's the very immature, non-caring side of me, lathered in a high case of self-righteousness.
But then, this verse came a little later:

"Kings detest wrongdoing, for a throne is established through righteousness. Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value the one who speaks what is right." v. 12-13

It's no coincidence that Solomon is doing bits back and forth between what God is doing and what appointed rulers are doing (well, what they're supposed to be doing, but that's another topic I don't touch). The rulers back in First Temple period (or, Solomon's Temple time) were expected by God to mirror his behavior.

You can adhere this text with Romans 13 and 1 Peter 2 in regards to how we are to act under authority. For quick context, just be thankful we don't have Nero as our current head of state (refrain from political jokes). Nevertheless, God says we are to be submissive, because ultimately, ALL governmental authority will answer to Him.

That's pretty reassuring. But then, I think in the context of the Church.

We are called to be Jesus' representatives. We are sons and daughters of God, for He sees us through the lens of the Cross, made righteous through the blood of Jesus.

It's our personal responsibility to fight for those like A.J., and to correct those like J.P., but with love, grace and mercy. It's our responsibility to show those who do not believe a small taste of Jesus' kingdom, "on earth as it is in heaven."

Are we showing compassion, justice, mercy, and love to others? Are we willing to stick our neck out in truth and honesty when no one else will? We've been appointed. In a sense, we're obligated... but Jesus is worth representing, because He represented us first. He went before us all the way to the cross.

15 in 30 for 30

I've realized something as I've done this 30 for 30 series.

Proverbs, when addressing the end product of following Wisdom and Righteousness, or Folly and Wickedness, the assumption most novice Ancient Middle Eastern Wisdom Literature readers have is that these are commands to be a certain way, as one leads to another. In a sense, yes, that's true...

However, these are wise observations of the world around us.

"The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." Proverbs 15:3-4

God is involved. Directly. Again, not getting in the debate of whether God causes (I don't believe that) or allows (I have a hard time grasping that language) evil.

God watches closely. And the writer is basically saying the fruit of the righteous and the wicked come to be because, well, that's what happens. It's an observation of truth. The way things currently are.

As you continue through chapter 15, you noticed God's embracing of righteousness and the despising of wickedness. We sometimes don't think of ourselves as "wicked," as most would think the word to be too archaic and outdated. But...

"There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way; whoever hates reproof will die. Sheol (Death) and Abaddon (Destruction) lie open before the LORD; how much more the hearts of the children of man!" v. 10-11

If God knows the hearts of personified Death and Destruction, who are we kidding when we think we can hide our motivations from God? Rebellious people don't like to be corrected, but discernment helps us see the motivation.

God obviously discerns our hearts.

I've had that C.S. Lewis quote at the top of this blog for a long time:

"Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is..." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I hang on to this quote a lot because Lewis speaks truth about our condition. We're motivated by a lot of things. Our hearts and minds contain our desires, dreams, fears, etc.

And they're leaky.

Unless you shut yourself in a room for the rest of your life and no one know's of your existence, who you are and what you think comes out. Quite easily, actually, no matter how hard you try.

So what does God see in you? No, don't see God as a cosmic killjoy. He cares about you. Deeply. He will not shame you for your past, present, or future. That's what Satan does.
God will lift you up. Trust Him.

14 in 30 for 30

Okay, forgive me for using my newfound education. I promise I'm not this nerdy, at least for this kind of stuff.

In our Western world, we talk about "what's in the heart," or "let your heart guide you" and other similar phrases.

In Christian circles, we tend to steer away from those kinds of phrases, because as Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" The problem with our pendulum swing is that we try to crush emotions, Vulcan-style. However, God made emotions to show us where we are in our souls. This is another matter, probably addressed later in this series, but emotions are a good thing, but we shouldn't be controlled by them.

What I'm getting at is we use the language of "heart" as the seat of our emotions. However, in the text of Proverbs 14, and with a little bit of Hebrew language skills, it's slightly different in the Biblical interpretation:

"The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy. The house of the wicked will be destroyed, but the tent of the upright will flourish. There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief. The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways, and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his ways. The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps." v. 10-15

Sometimes we say, "I feel in my heart." In our context it somewhat makes sense. But here's the rub. In Hebrew, bEl means "Heart, Mind, Will." That's our whole being. Our decision-making skills, emotional reactions, logical thinking, etc. One commentary says "When translations use the term 'heart,' it is usually wise mentally to replace it with 'mind.' In fact, the seat of the emotions for the ancient Israelites was the stomach or the kidneys, like a "gut feeling." I guess they took the term literally.

To me, this addresses how I've reacted emotionally over the last three decades, but also addresses how I react as a whole to my beliefs and how they are challenged.
Am I challenged emotionally?
Does the Word of God poke and prod at my mental capacities?
Does Jesus make sense?

We live in a world that goes by emotions, and sometimes that leads us on a ridiculous roller coaster. We have to be prudent with what we hear, learn, and experience all at once. We see/interpret things through a personalized paradigm. Because of these factors, this kind of prudence forces us to slow down. And we don't like to slow down.

So, to the two people who read this blog:
- What do you believe... about life and God?
- Why? Was it just a gut reaction, or were your conclusions based on wrestling through it?
- Do you think your beliefs are absolutely conclusive, that there's nothing left to learn?

Take the necessary steps to understand your world around you.

"Be humble. The world is bigger than your view of the world. And certainly, God is much bigger than your view of God." - Eugene Cho

 

13 in 30 for 30

"The ransom of a man's life is his wealth, but a poor man hears no threat." Proverbs 13:8

*Spoiler alert. I love Breaking Bad. One of my favorite shows of all-time. I'll get to why.

Leading up to the end of this excellent series, Walter White is trying to juggle as many lies as possible while evading the DEA and holding a tense relationship with some Neo-Nazi hit men. His former confidant, Jesse Pinkman, is working with White's DEA brother-in-law Hank in trying to bring the crystal meth kingpin down.
The authorities know White is guilty on drug trafficking and murder, among other offenses, but White is an incredibly smart man. In fact, his wits seem to get sharper as he descends further into darkness. No, this isn't an encouragement to do such things.

Walter makes a mistake, and Pinkman seizes the opportunity. Pinkman knows the one thing Walter cannot live without: His millions of dollars, stashed away in huge barrels in the middle of the New Mexico desert. Using some slight of hand, along with justifiable rage, Pinkman convinced Walter to drive into the desert, thinking his money has been compromised.

This chapter of Proverbs could've been useful for Walter White. It addresses yet again the contrast between Wisdom and Folly through Righteousness and Wickedness, respectively. This chapter also addresses our Desires and Wealth, sometimes within the same breath.

For Walt, his reasons for getting into the meth business were straight-forward: To provide for his financially struggling family after he dies from lung cancer. Sounds reasonable, right?

Throughout the entire series, he keeps justifying more heinous acts over and over with the same quip: "I'm doing this for my family." He literally was a broken record. It didn't really match his involvement with murder and drug peddling.

But, in the final episode of this great series, he confessed something to his estranged wife, Skyler:

"Skyler, all the things that I did... you need to understa..."
"If I have to hear one more time that you did this for the family..."
"I did it for me... I liked it... I was good at it... and I was really... I was alive."

His desire for power was overwhelmed by the problems it created for him, and it left an undeniably destructive wake behind him.

"And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, "You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." Mark 10:21

Would Jesus look upon Walter White and say the same thing? He would probably rebuke his other sins, but he would see White's desire for power and money. Jesus would see his sickness, not just the lung cancer.

The identities I've had my whole life have made me miss what's going on in my heart and mind:

How do people see me? I get sucked into whatever the world defines as good... but meanwhile, I forget that people should see Jesus first when they see me, because that is with whom I need to cleave. He is my hope and stay.
The question is: can my fellow brothers and sisters, and more broadly, my fellow human beings, see Jesus in how I am? 29+ years and you'd think I'd have an answer.

12 in 30 for 30

Words are hard.

I have to admit. Doing this 30 for 30 series is difficult. I'm sure some of you have noticed the quality go up and down and twist around like no one's business. This idea just popped into my mind at the end of September.

"Hey, Win's subconscious, let's do something fun! Why don't we blog for 30 straight days because you're turning 30 on the 30th of October! Get it? Huh? Do ya?"

I feel like Bart as Nelson Muntz mocks my words.

Proverbs 12 has a verse I'm very familiar with, but not necessarily for the greatest reasons:

"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." v. 1

My best friends and I found this verse while at church during our high school days. Basically, we were chuckling because we found the word "stupid" in the Biblical text. Oh yeah, we were mature.

This is also among the same group of boys using the phrase, appropriately for Christian circles, "Edify, stupid!"

See? Words are hard, but they can be funny!

Anyway, because I now know a little bit of Hebrew, the word "Stupid" is actually in the text. It's "rAo`D;b" (read from right to left), pronounced "Bah-Are." The translation is basically saying you're stupid like cattle.

How edifying, right?!

This chapter is mainly about our use of words. More specifically, the contrast between the use of words by Righteous or Wicked people. It doesn't take long while reading it to get the gist:
- Wise, prudent, joyful, kind words are delightful to God
- Wicked, foolish, lying, thoughtless words are abhorred by God

Listen, no one in their right mind is claiming that their speech is either perfectly righteous or painfully evil. We all have a mixture of both, whether we like it or not. Nevertheless, if we're discerning enough, we can pick out people who lean more towards righteous or wicked words.

With that in mind, this verse pops out:

"One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." v. 26

Again, convicting. Am I being a good guide to my neighbor? Or am I treating people like cattle? Are my words "stupid?"

11 in 30 for 30

I love and miss this show. It started off slow but quickly realized that they were going to parody and poke fun at pop culture on a grand level.

Putting together an entirely ridiculous, hyperbolic cast of misfits who have no business being around one another. But really, it sounds familiar.

Isn't that how Jesus put together his apostles? A bunch of guys who had no business being around one another? And yet somehow, these 12 guys multiplied into thousands, and eventually, the couple billion Christians on earth. Amazing.

I've read through Proverbs before, but as I mentioned in yesterday's post, Solomon is addressing the wisdom in a community context again in Chapter 11:

"When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy. Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed." v. 10-11 

"One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." v. 25-26

It took me awhile to realize this type of language. Normally you think of Proverbs as a wise sage sitting on some hill with a Pai Mai-style fumanchu endowing wisdom on some brave individual.

No. This is different.

This is a man who's seeking for his community to benefit from the righteous, generous living of others; seeking the redemption of the broken parts of the city.

I think of the churches in Portland, Oregon in this context. Most non-Christians in Portland have this air of snobbery towards believers, and sometimes for good reason. But these churches decided that they want to bring the Kingdom of Jesus to Portland. They went to the city leadership and said, "What can we do to help?"

Isn't that what we should all be doing? I'm convicted by this as well. We should be looking for the well-being of the communities/towns/cities where we live.
We are to be "in" the world, not "of" it. The way I see it, as sons & daughters of God, we are here for a purpose: To proclaim the Gospel and seek the redemption of all things. We alone can't bring that. Only Jesus can. But we can certainly be a reflection of it.

Let's get our hands dirty.

10 in 30 for 30

I'm not sure who Francis Quarles is when I stumbled across this image. I quickly Googled him and found out he was a poet from the mid-1500s to mid-1600s. Maybe Francis was in cahoots with King Solomon.

Solomon now has gone from a personification of Wisdom vs. Folly sermons to a compare and contrast of Righteousness vs. Wickedness in Proverbs 10.

It's almost a list of what happens, almost concretely, when you follow either path. No middle ground.

At first glance, you see verses like, "Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth," (v. 4) and "The wealth of the rich is their fortified city, but poverty is the ruin of the poor" (v. 15) and you think:

"Wait, so if I stick to my guns, work hard, and stay out of trouble, I'm going to be rich?"

No. Absolutely not.

Now, that's not to say the merits of an honest life of hard work and discipline are bad. But they aren't the end all be all. As Americans, we must erase the notion that these passages are aimed at individuals. This is in the context of family-based communities, where the success of farming labor is the reward of the community; the provision of your community, not your individual, Cadillac-laden prosperity.
In fact, Jesus addresses this in Matthew 6, when he's telling his listeners to not worry about tomorrow, "for tomorrow will take care of itself" (Matt 6:34). Thinking that you and your work alone will save you is foolishness. It's a lack of faith that God will provide for your needs. If you think you "need" a mansion, a huge bank account, and a Maserati in the garage, you've got another thing coming...

Another thing that caught my eye in this chapter is the contrast of how words are used between those who practice righteousness and those who practice wickedness. As I've said before, the contrasting is said almost with an absolute tone, but for those who have read the book of Job know that leading a good life doesn't mean everything is smooth sailing. I think most people in the world would agree with that. What's interesting is how and when we use Words.

- Do we talk a lot? If so, does what you say encourage, or tear down? (Strike one for me)
- Are our words quality over quantity? (Strike two...)
- Do we use our words deceptively and subversively? (Well, shoot...)

Again, the context is community, not Lone Ranger. When we live this life as followers of Jesus, do our words and actions benefit the Body of Christ; the Church?

This flies in the face of something most of us have understood a long time: The American Dream

We have the right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness (really, it's gluttonous individuality).

These things don't bring us peace like the righteousness of Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Ever. We were meant to be in unity and fellowship forever with God, but we decided going the crooked, rebellious path of the forbidden was a better idea.

False.

Francis was right. Wickedness is it's own punishment. Ultimately, everything we do that's not in step with God will lead to our destruction. That's why we need Jesus, because we'll just wander aimlessly like a stray cat.

9 in 30 for 30

Lately, I've been hearing/reading a new take on an old saying:

"Everything happens for a reason... but sometimes that reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

I'm not turning this into a debate of pre-destination vs. free will, because to me, it doesn't really matter. You can grab your pitchforks all you want on that, but it doesn't effect my level of unworthiness next to Jesus Christ, Immanuel, God With Us.

This morning, I read Proverbs 9, continuing this series until my 30th birthday. I read this:

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer." v. 10-12

So far, we've seen the personification of Wisdom be at the end of her preaching on the importance of knowing Her as opposed to Folly, personified by a prostitute or wayward wife. At this point in her sermons, Wisdom is at her house, at the highest point, and is letting those who follow her invite others to "leave their simple lives" and "walk in the way of insight" (v. 6) and feast upon what Wisdom offers: Life. Again, this isn't prosperity, but the ability to discern and face hard situations in life

In contrast, the woman of Folly is doing the exact same thing, at another high place, calling those who lead the same simple lives to come into her house. "Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" (v. 17) She's calling the wayward to partake in the forbidden! Folly is also "simple and knows nothing." (v. 13). But, if we haven't figured it out by now, "little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead." (v. 18)
Being wayward, unguided, and unwise will lead to our destruction.

Minutes ago before writing this, I just saw a link about a pastor of a Baptist church in Montgomery, Alabama. It's an article that grieves me and infuriates me. I'm not going to link it. You can look for it yourself.
Basically, after 23 some years of ministry, he's admitted to not only having multiple affairs with several women in the congregation, but also having those affairs knowing he has AIDS, on top of the admission of drug use and misappropriation of church funds....

Yes.... let that sink in. It's going to hurt.

Not going to lie. I was pissed. Then confused as to why. Then grieving. All within seconds.
I'm saddened that this congregation was betrayed. I'm hoping that his open confession at the pulpit was a sign of repentance on his part. The pain will still sting. Severely.
I fear for the health of the women he was with. Not just for the medical part, which in itself is horrible, but the shame they might feel later.
I'm not condoning those actions, but grace needs to be deeper when the wound cuts this deep.

Folly was allowed to creep into the minds of a few... and it infected the many.

This is a fear I think most of us at feel, especially for me and my fellow classmates in seminary.
How does this education prepare me for that? What protects me from making those same mistakes?

And then I realize... the Wisdom of God... the Wisdom that made all things and will redeem the brokenness of all things, will guide us.

Yesterday I complained about how much I was reading about wisdom, but then remembered that we need those reminders because we WILL FORGET, as this pastor did.

Today, an elderly man I've never met before, who has served the nation of Turkey in missions for 32 years, gave me this little nugget of wisdom:

What's going on in your heart, mind, and soul? When you experience or learn something, write it down. Think through it. What is the Holy Spirit doing to transform your life?

This might seem hokie pokie to some, but he ended with this before he prayed for me:

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8

I have put my trust in Jesus. I have no freaking clue where he's taking me in the next 30+ years, but I trust that He has me, and that He will continue to protect me and share His wisdom as I stumble through this life.

8 in 30 for 30

I'm already sounding like a broken record.

I'm encountering wisdom again in Proverbs. I'm not calling Scripture broken, because it certainly is not.

Nevertheless, it is certainly a reminder how much we forget about the value of wisdom.
- We know not to touch the hot stove top.
- We know we should pay our taxes on time.
- We know it's a bad idea to write exegesis papers at the last minute.
- We know that no one in their right mind should root for the Yankees.
- We know not to EVER ask a woman if they're pregnant or not.
And the list can go on forever.

In Proverbs 8, here's something we learn about Godly wisdom: It's been there since the beginning. The creativity and common sense of creation was formed by the wisdom of God... and we're being asked to cling to it like a baby to their favorite blanket.

"The LORD brought me forth as the first of his works, before his deeds of old; I was formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the world came to be." v. 22-23

Speaking of babies, my younger older sister just had her first child on Tuesday night. My niece is going to change my sister and her husband's life forever. I know my sister will do her best to bestow wisdom on my niece, whether she likes it or not (I have a feeling, based on her behavior at birth and during the pregnancy, that she'll be a stubborn child, but that's just me).
My sister is not perfect, not like God or his wisdom. But she certainly has experience, and that will be valuable to my niece.
God knows what's going on. He sees our struggles. He's actually experienced them through Christ. He can empathize with us.

How are you not drawn to someone who's been there for a long time?

7 in 30 for 30

We've all experienced it.

You've been told not to touch the stove top.

But something about the urge to rebel is compelling.

"What's the big deal?" is how your brain rationalizes it. You start sounding like a Hollywood-style mental patient as you reason to yourself, somehow convincingly, that rebelling is a good thing. That engaging in the forbidden is alluring and adventurous.

This is where I find myself as I read Proverbs 7. In the continuation of a father advising his son motif, this chapter is a drawn out into a method to madness type situation: Avoiding the wayward wife/woman and the reasons why.

Now, a large majority of us (I hope) don't go prowling in the red light districts of our respective cities of residence conspicuously. The author goes into how Wisdom has seen wandering young men conveniently making their way around to the corner where this adulteress resides. This woman invites the young man seductively, making promises of fulfillment and desire in the cover of darkness. To the young man, what the adulteress has to offer is "delightful" and "risk free" in a sense. She grabs him, kisses him, and promises that all will be well and that her husband would not discover this seduction.

"With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, air as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life." v. 21-23

There is destruction in this, no matter how much you "reason it" in your mind. A friend of mine said it best, "The reason why most men are attracted to married women is one thing: it's forbidden."

Now, I myself have not had an affair, by God's grace, but that certainly doesn't mean my mind is pure. Like many people (not just men) within the Church, I, too, struggle with lust and pornography. It's an addiction that I've had for many years and I'll always have that addiction. No, that does not mean I'm defined by it, but just like anyone that has that addiction (alcohol, drugs, etc.), there are triggers that can have us relapse.

I continue to fight this addiction by laying it at the foot of the cross. I know ultimately that it is defeated, but it will gnash at me with the help of the enemy. I must cling to Wisdom as these Scriptures say, and sow them in my heart. These things will not satisfy.

To those of you who struggle, I'm with you. Do not be ashamed. Jesus STILL LOVES YOU! He went through hell for you! You are not defined by this addiction! Shame and guilt will not hold you!

This sermon by my current pastor is an excellent place to start:
Sex! A sermon by Pastor Aaron Engler

Or this sermon by my associate pastor about shame:
Shame. A sermon by Pastor Brynn Harrington
and this one by my best bro on recognizing shame and guilt:
Emotional Health. A sermon by Randy McNeal

This is not a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" or "will yourself to heal" moment. We can't on our own. We need help to heal our brokenness, and it starts with Jesus, as he meets us and embraces us for who we are, and will transform us into holiness. That is a hope, a desire, that I have. I hope it is yours as well.

6 in 30 for 30

I love playoff baseball.

It's ridiculously unpredictable. The tension builds with every pitch, every swing, and every crucial step down the base paths. A split second difference could mean the difference between hero or villain.

I'm in a casual playoff pick-em between a few guys in a baseball Facebook group, and there were many similarities in whom we chose to win certain games, series, and eventually the World Series (c'mon, Cardinals, I'm counting on your experience). And yet, because of teams like Kansas City, we just throw up our hands in disgust and say, "What the heck do we know about baseball? Apparently nothing!"

What I do know from watching these games, however, is that these guys are professionals for a reason. You see the intent in their form, shaped over thousands of hours of practice, sacrificing so much to get to the Bigs. This is what they do... and they do it well. It's evident with every camera angle we see on TV, including the moments when they make mistakes (C'mon, Bumgarner! Bad throw!). There's no mistaking who they are.

After going through a few words about standing up for a bad neighbor and calling out sluggards in the first several verses of Proverbs 6, Solomon writes:

"A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing." v. 12-15

This type of person, within this description, is seemingly very obvious. Sounds like a jerk face on every level. That type of person should be easy to spot, like identifying these baseball players as professionals, correct? We think of the men and women in prison, or stereotype certain people based on circumstances, race, culture, whatever.
And yet, people like the one mentioned in the text exist, sometimes subtly. Verses 16-19 things the Lord "hates" or are "abominations" to him, like lying, plotting evil, killing, etc. Again, some of those are blatant, but then again, liars, cheaters, and plotters aren't exactly easy to spot. However, I don't think it's out job to be a seeking missile to find them.
Solomon writes that "calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing." People who are wicked, in active rebellion against the Creator God, will be given into their wickedness.

I'm not really sure how all of that helps, but it certainly helps me reflect on my personal actions.

What are my motivations? What's deep within my heart, especially when the temptation to cut corners presents itself?
- Will I speak ill of my fellow co-workers to gain an edge?
- Will I lie to my friends in order to gain popularity or favor?
- Will I let anger stir within my soul? Or allow success to swell my head?

6:16-19 is in contrast with Proverbs 4:23-27:

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you. Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure/ Do not swerve to the right or to the left' turn your foot away from evil."

How are we reflecting this type of character? Are we allowing the Spirit to transform us? We can't idly stand by; we must be active ourselves. The late Dallas Willard said, "Projects of personal transformation rarely if ever succeed by accident, drift, or imposition."

Are your words and actions reflecting a child of God, or something else? This isn't works-based salvation at all, but God doesn't want us to stay in the minor leagues of our faith. He wants us to get to the Bigs.