Acting of Thanks

At my old church in Oregon, they have a Thanksgiving Eve service. I know, it sounds weird... like another attempt at naming a random American holiday. There's worship, a very brief message usually in reflection form, and then... open mic for those in attendance to give thanks for what they have/been through.

Three years ago, as a super volunteer with the church's youth group, I had this nagging sensation:

"Win... go up to the mic."

I asked myself why.

"C'mon... it won't hurt much. I promise."

So I did. I proceeded to tell about my story. I'll keep it brief:

- May of 2009, my former church where I was a part-time youth pastor, closed its doors

- Summer 2009, I was angry at the Church. I questioned God's purpose for me in vocational ministry

- Late August 2009, one of my best friends coaxed me back into youth ministry with him at this church.

In short, on the verge of tears, I told the congregation how grateful I was for one simple reason: They looked at an angry, bitter 26-year old youth worker, took me in, and embraced me. They didn't seek an explanation for my failures, nor shunned me because of my baggage. Most of all, I felt like part of a family. In that moment, I felt like Christ was grasping me in His arms, crying with me, assuring me that I was loved, by Him and His Church.

I hope you have that. I hope you have a family or a church community or covenant group or underwater basket weaving class or anything that overflows with the love of Christ, filled with an infectious mercy that's firm and knowing, affirming your created being as God's child.

Be the Church. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

Confession

I haven't been on here forever. I was busy for a majority of the time since my last post. Ironically, I'm back in school full-time, and I'm using this opportunity to get away from the busyness. So here is what's going on:

I've been far removed from my comfort zone for the last 3 months. I uprooted from the Pacific Northwest and replanted myself near the Athens of America... Boston, MA. It took my father and I 4.5 days and 3,100 miles from Vancouver, WA to a place 30 min outside of Boston in South Hamilton, MA, where I'm currently studying my face off for a Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

I'm not going to lie. I miss home. How much? 

When it's drizzling/raining/pouring, I think of home.

When I take a sip of nasty coffee, I think of PNW-based coffee.

I make sure I'm wearing my Mariners, Huskies, Timbers, or Blazers gear on a regular basis to let people know that the West Coast is the Best Coast.

Here's the problem. Being out here has exposed my true nature exponentially. 

- I use humor and sarcasm to keep people at arm's length. A by-product of that behavior? I go too far and insult people, passively feeling superior "because of my wit."

- I feel useless when I cannot contribute to an intellectual/theological conversation without sounding like an idiot.

- In an academic environment, I don't feel like anything is getting done. That bothers me. I don't see tangibility in this arena. 

However, there's a few things that encourage me about my new environment:

- There are many different backgrounds and ideologies here. Many I have never encountered. It's quite freeing to know that I don't know that much

- Being here has given me perspective on my own life and insecurities. It's obvious that I have social, spiritual, and psychological problems that need to be addressed.

- I get a fresh start, with new people and places. Bad habits have an opportunity to die here.

So here's where I'm going. This is who I am.

I'm a jerk. I feel a sense of arrogance in my age from my experience and my ability to adapt with a laid-back attitude. I have a lot of baggage, and I tend to drag many innocent people into my storm.

This is my request to all of you.

Please forgive me. I don't know any better. Call me out. Don't let me get away with behavior not reflective of my Savior and King. I am not better than you and I never will be. Help me be a better friend, brother, servant, and son, as a member of the Church. Please challenge me. Ask hard questions.