That's the spirit!

Christmas time is here! Isn't it wonderful? There's delicious food to be eaten, laughter to be shared, and memories to be made in this annual tradition. Relatives are visiting or visited (for better or worse), and humorous get togethers with old friends frequent our smart phone calendars, wrapped tightly around our mad dash for gifts. The enrapturing smile of children opening their gifts and the sigh of relief from millions of workers and students on a short break or vacation alleviate the pressures of society for some short, but very sweet, moments.

On the flip side, millions of people every holiday season get lost in the shuffle. Depression, loneliness, unemployment... these are definitely not uncommon to most families. Most people in the social media world are a little disgusted by the consumerist nature of the United States, yet there aren't many steps taken to quell that belief. Some are dismayed by the simple use of "X" in "Xmas," when "X" in the original Greek is the first letter for "Christ," so nothing is replaced in my opinion (yes, I just had a nerd moment), while others hate the term "Happy Holidays."

I think in our current culture it's difficult for almost everyone this time of year, because when we've settled down with our families, and reflect on the year that has almost passed by, we feel like we've missed an opportunity, or made a mistake, or damaged a relationship. We're fearful of the consequences. We doubt our abilities and our knowledge to move forward with... well, anything.

Recently, my old church's worship director helped record a wonderful Christmas album featuring many of the musicians who volunteer their time for Sunday services. It's well done, with personal, modern twists in lyrical structures of classics. However, the part that moved me to near tears was the final track:

http://countrysidecommunitychurch.bandcamp.com/track/the-nativity-story

A child, in one take, emulated Linus' rendition of the Christmas story. It's filled with mistakes. He called Caesar Augustus "Keeser," and instead of a "census," he says "a Kansas should be taken." It's simply delightful. Should he have been corrected and do another take? Probably, but I think it's brilliant. He bravely carried on, without much thought to his pronunciation limitations. This recitation of Scripture helped me understand a few things:

1. I'm still young, and I do not have a perfectly wrapped up answer to life.
2. Jesus tells us to have faith like a child, and I think we've seriously missed that idea. We put up charades and masks and piles of knowledge and know-how, it's easy to forget that we should be okay with our limitations, and grow in them
3. We're going to make mistakes. We will believe something differently 5, 10, 30 years from now. It's okay to have a different opinion or belief. Circumstances change.

I hope y'all have a wonderful Christmas season. Reflect on this past year with renewed hope; the hope given in a dirty, germ-infested trough in Bethlehem.

Acting of Thanks

At my old church in Oregon, they have a Thanksgiving Eve service. I know, it sounds weird... like another attempt at naming a random American holiday. There's worship, a very brief message usually in reflection form, and then... open mic for those in attendance to give thanks for what they have/been through.

Three years ago, as a super volunteer with the church's youth group, I had this nagging sensation:

"Win... go up to the mic."

I asked myself why.

"C'mon... it won't hurt much. I promise."

So I did. I proceeded to tell about my story. I'll keep it brief:

- May of 2009, my former church where I was a part-time youth pastor, closed its doors

- Summer 2009, I was angry at the Church. I questioned God's purpose for me in vocational ministry

- Late August 2009, one of my best friends coaxed me back into youth ministry with him at this church.

In short, on the verge of tears, I told the congregation how grateful I was for one simple reason: They looked at an angry, bitter 26-year old youth worker, took me in, and embraced me. They didn't seek an explanation for my failures, nor shunned me because of my baggage. Most of all, I felt like part of a family. In that moment, I felt like Christ was grasping me in His arms, crying with me, assuring me that I was loved, by Him and His Church.

I hope you have that. I hope you have a family or a church community or covenant group or underwater basket weaving class or anything that overflows with the love of Christ, filled with an infectious mercy that's firm and knowing, affirming your created being as God's child.

Be the Church. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

Confession

I haven't been on here forever. I was busy for a majority of the time since my last post. Ironically, I'm back in school full-time, and I'm using this opportunity to get away from the busyness. So here is what's going on:

I've been far removed from my comfort zone for the last 3 months. I uprooted from the Pacific Northwest and replanted myself near the Athens of America... Boston, MA. It took my father and I 4.5 days and 3,100 miles from Vancouver, WA to a place 30 min outside of Boston in South Hamilton, MA, where I'm currently studying my face off for a Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

I'm not going to lie. I miss home. How much? 

When it's drizzling/raining/pouring, I think of home.

When I take a sip of nasty coffee, I think of PNW-based coffee.

I make sure I'm wearing my Mariners, Huskies, Timbers, or Blazers gear on a regular basis to let people know that the West Coast is the Best Coast.

Here's the problem. Being out here has exposed my true nature exponentially. 

- I use humor and sarcasm to keep people at arm's length. A by-product of that behavior? I go too far and insult people, passively feeling superior "because of my wit."

- I feel useless when I cannot contribute to an intellectual/theological conversation without sounding like an idiot.

- In an academic environment, I don't feel like anything is getting done. That bothers me. I don't see tangibility in this arena. 

However, there's a few things that encourage me about my new environment:

- There are many different backgrounds and ideologies here. Many I have never encountered. It's quite freeing to know that I don't know that much

- Being here has given me perspective on my own life and insecurities. It's obvious that I have social, spiritual, and psychological problems that need to be addressed.

- I get a fresh start, with new people and places. Bad habits have an opportunity to die here.

So here's where I'm going. This is who I am.

I'm a jerk. I feel a sense of arrogance in my age from my experience and my ability to adapt with a laid-back attitude. I have a lot of baggage, and I tend to drag many innocent people into my storm.

This is my request to all of you.

Please forgive me. I don't know any better. Call me out. Don't let me get away with behavior not reflective of my Savior and King. I am not better than you and I never will be. Help me be a better friend, brother, servant, and son, as a member of the Church. Please challenge me. Ask hard questions.