Friday, November 22, 2013

Confession

I haven't been on here forever. I was busy for a majority of the time since my last post. Ironically, I'm back in school full-time, and I'm using this opportunity to get away from the busyness. So here is what's going on:

I've been far removed from my comfort zone for the last 3 months. I uprooted from the Pacific Northwest and replanted myself near the Athens of America... Boston, MA. It took my father and I 4.5 days and 3,100 miles from Vancouver, WA to a place 30 min outside of Boston in South Hamilton, MA, where I'm currently studying my face off for a Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

I'm not going to lie. I miss home. How much? 
When it's drizzling/raining/pouring, I think of home.
When I take a sip of nasty coffee, I think of PNW-based coffee.
I make sure I'm wearing my Mariners, Huskies, Timbers, or Blazers gear on a regular basis to let people know that the West Coast is the Best Coast.

Here's the problem. Being out here has exposed my true nature exponentially. 
- I use humor and sarcasm to keep people at arm's length. A by-product of that behavior? I go too far and insult people, passively feeling superior "because of my wit."
- I feel useless when I cannot contribute to an intellectual/theological conversation without sounding like an idiot.
- In an academic environment, I don't feel like anything is getting done. That bothers me. I don't see tangibility in this arena. 

However, there's a few things that encourage me about my new environment:
- There are many different backgrounds and ideologies here. Many I have never encountered. It's quite freeing to know that I don't know that much
- Being here has given me perspective on my own life and insecurities. It's obvious that I have social, spiritual, and psychological problems that need to be addressed.
- I get a fresh start, with new people and places. Bad habits have an opportunity to die here.

So here's where I'm going. This is who I am.
I'm a jerk. I feel a sense of arrogance in my age from my experience and my ability to adapt with a laid-back attitude. I have a lot of baggage, and I tend to drag many innocent people into my storm.

This is my request to all of you.
Please forgive me. I don't know any better. Call me out. Don't let me get away with behavior not reflective of my Savior and King. I am not better than you and I never will be. Help me be a better friend, brother, servant, and son, as a member of the Church. Please challenge me. Ask hard questions.

4 comments:

Dan said...

keep updating your blog

Burton said...

Much love Win! It takes guts to write something like this, so go you. I'm always here if you need some chats.

Joan Pugh said...

Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot to be brave and move forward in a public arena. Keep challenging yourself to improve and you will!

Paul Duppenthaler said...

Even if all that were true, and I have no reason to doubt it, you are leaving out a whole lot of stuff... that you are gracious, accepting, that your humor is a cover but it is completely done in love, (and is actually funny, most of the time) that you love the Lord, that He's doing great things in your life, that you are loyal, intelligent, know more than you give yourself credit for knowing... and I could go on and on.