I've been far removed from my comfort zone for the last 3 months. I uprooted from the Pacific Northwest and replanted myself near the Athens of America... Boston, MA. It took my father and I 4.5 days and 3,100 miles from Vancouver, WA to a place 30 min outside of Boston in South Hamilton, MA, where I'm currently studying my face off for a Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.
I'm not going to lie. I miss home. How much?
When it's drizzling/raining/pouring, I think of home.
When I take a sip of nasty coffee, I think of PNW-based coffee.
I make sure I'm wearing my Mariners, Huskies, Timbers, or Blazers gear on a regular basis to let people know that the West Coast is the Best Coast.
Here's the problem. Being out here has exposed my true nature exponentially.
- I use humor and sarcasm to keep people at arm's length. A by-product of that behavior? I go too far and insult people, passively feeling superior "because of my wit."
- I feel useless when I cannot contribute to an intellectual/theological conversation without sounding like an idiot.
- In an academic environment, I don't feel like anything is getting done. That bothers me. I don't see tangibility in this arena.
However, there's a few things that encourage me about my new environment:
- There are many different backgrounds and ideologies here. Many I have never encountered. It's quite freeing to know that I don't know that much
- Being here has given me perspective on my own life and insecurities. It's obvious that I have social, spiritual, and psychological problems that need to be addressed.
- I get a fresh start, with new people and places. Bad habits have an opportunity to die here.
So here's where I'm going. This is who I am.
I'm a jerk. I feel a sense of arrogance in my age from my experience and my ability to adapt with a laid-back attitude. I have a lot of baggage, and I tend to drag many innocent people into my storm.
This is my request to all of you.
Please forgive me. I don't know any better. Call me out. Don't let me get away with behavior not reflective of my Savior and King. I am not better than you and I never will be. Help me be a better friend, brother, servant, and son, as a member of the Church. Please challenge me. Ask hard questions.