Love.

The last couple of weeks I've been thinking about this particular word:

Love.

It's such a dynamic word. We use it for so many things:

I love sleep.

I love food.

I love my friends.

I love my iPod.

I love exercise (huh?).

I love ___.

It's a word that can be such a powerful yet messy force, yet it's thrown around like the bills you get in the mail.

This theme of love has been at such a forefront in my life lately. I was in Montana with my immediate family for Christmas. Hands down the best time I've had with my family in a long time. During my 9 day stay, I had the privilege of seeing the ups and downs my sister and brother-in-law endure with their 10, 5, and now 2-year old children. Parents can say it all they want: they try to treat their kids the same way. But they don't. Yet, to me that is not a bad thing at all.

My sister did not bear three fence posts. All of her kids are very different, and each require different kinds of attention. To her kids, that might not seem fair. From my perspective, I see the kind of love only parents understand. She loves each of them equally and wholly above everything else besides her relationship with God, and her love adapts to what the child needs.

I'm currently studying the story of the raising of Lazarus from the dead. In the past, I've focused so much on the "wow" factor that Jesus did this awesome miracle that I have forgotten the rest of the story. Little did I know that the entire way Jesus was teaching his disciples, and Lazarus' grieving sisters, that God's will overrules theirs. Period. It's not that God did not listen to Mary and Martha's plea for healing. It's just that they expected Jesus to do something sweet. They took Jesus like a Staples "EASY" button and assumed everything would be fine.

Obviously, we know the ending of this story. God's glory was revealed in such tremendous fashion that most scholars believe if Jesus simply said "Come out" the entire tomb full of dead people would've waltzed out! God in His magnificent foresight knew that people were taking Jesus for granted and needed to realize Who He really is.

Continuing this theme of love I've been around, I couldn't help but notice something about one of the more famous verses in the Bible. John 11:35, the shortest verse in the Bible, simply states "Jesus wept." Before that John wrote that Jesus saw Lazarus' sisters crying and was "deeply moved in spirit and troubled" (11:33b, NIV). I never thought about why Jesus, God made flesh, would be troubled by this event. However, you would have to go back to the beginning of the chapter and see that the messengers Mary and Martha sent out to Jesus about Lazarus simply said "Lord, the one you love is sick." (11:3b, NIV) Lazarus and his family were very close to Jesus. Almost like family. Now the picture is in focus. Jesus, being God and Man at once, could feel and mourn like we do. Scholars think that Jesus was reacting to the nature of death, and how its sting brings sadness to the people He loves. Though Jesus was and is God, He feels and was saddened by how sin in the world has brought us great pains and sorrows.

I may be talking out of my big fat butt, but this story created for me a more real mental picture of Jesus and how powerful and deep his affection for us will go. Near the end of my high school senior year, my friend Chris and I had some "free time" between classes, so we decided to listen to some music and nap in my car. Before we dozed off, without any provoking he was telling me how wonderful his girlfriend Brooke (now his wife) is and how he adored her. At the time all I could think of was "duh, you've been after her since the 7th grade," yet this little blip has stuck in my mind.

I can imagine Jesus sharing his deep love and adoration for us. He probably talks to God or the angels about the struggles we endure, the things we need to learn, and all the growing we need to do. He is there when we fall off our bike, or get straight A's, or rebelliously ignore Him, or repeatedly make the wrong decisions, or leap into His arms to bear hug Him, or soak his robe in sobbing tears. Unfortunately not everyone in the world has had a great model to picture God as a loving Father. How tragic! Nevertheless, shouldn't that compel us even more so to love with such a deep love and forgiving grace to one another as God does?! I submit that yes, it does. It is so hard to do, but what a great model to follow!

So we are His portion and He is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking!

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

And I don't have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way

That He loves us

Oh how He loves us - John Mark McMillan

LOST & Jesus

Like the other 13.5 million people in this country, I, too, watched the last episode of LOST with vigor and curiosity. It’s amazing to think that such a polarizing show, on the small screen and by the water coolers, had such profound effects on people, fans and haters alike.

Here are some posts I saw from Twitter and Facebook last night:

- “LOST LOST LOST LOST…. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG”

- “I am proud to say that I’ve never watched LOST, and I’m not going to start now.”

- “REALLY LOST?!?!”

- “What a beautiful, poignant piece of television.”

- “Wow, the writers got SUPER lazy. I wasted 6 years for that?!?!”

- “Thank you, LOST, for such an incredible journey. Nothing else like it!!!”

- “LOST is still stupid”

- “If I wanted to watch a show about people on a deserted island, I’ll watch Gilligan re-runs.”

- “24 is better”

It’s generally understood that if you started watching LOST from the beginning, you’ve already made pre-conceived ideas on what the show is and how it was going to play out. If you found yourself watching it somewhere in the middle (yours truly included), you had to choose between:

- Finding out more and diving in deep

- Blowing it off with reckless abandon

Because I am a guy and I’m stupid like that, I started following LOST because a gal I liked loved the show. My first impressions of LOST were simple:

- “It looks like Gilligan’s Island.”

- “The show won’t last long. Wouldn’t they have been found by a month at most? They got satellites that could see a quarter on the beach.”

Yet, through of my stupidity, and my lack of foresight to realize the gal I liked was WAY out of my league (or in my favorite term, “out-kicking my coverage”), I grasped the greatest aspect of the show… it’s ability to convey the emotions, conflict, and growth this international cast brought to us for 6 seasons.

There are so many views and topics to discuss about the show, like how half the characters are named after philosophers, or that they made it an intelligent show full of physics and literature references, or some of life’s questions involving fate/destiny is intertwined with our ability to choose. As fun as that stuff is, I found myself asking two questions regarding LOST’s effect on people:

First, how is the actual task of watching LOST related to how people respond to Jesus?

I know. That’s a really dumb question. Jacob, the god-like figure of the island, and MiB (Man in Black), argued about the nature of man. Jacob believed that man was inherently good, and MiB believed that man was corrupt (“They come. They fight. They destroy. They corrupt. It always ends the same.”)

In many ways, yes, MiB was right from a Biblical perspective. Mankind is evil. All you need to do is look at our history of violence. We are capable of such terrible things, and it’s only by God’s grace and that mercy we are able to reflect His grace and mercy.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

Of almost everyone I’ve run into in the last 6 years since LOST started, there have been two groups formed:

- Those who absolutely love LOST, and can’t get enough of it.

- Those who despise LOST, and think it’s the dumbest thing ever.

What LOST is doesn’t change because of what the audience thinks (though we’ve learned that executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse kept a close eye on LOST message boards to see if anyone was close in guessing what was next, therefore throwing everyone through loops… to me, that’s smart). People react to the show because of who they are and what they believe a television show should be. It is very hard to change the mind of any individual who’s made a decision regarding something that we (yes, us Americans) find as “important” as a television show.

Do you not see the parallel when it comes to Christ? Yes, it’s a very stupid analogy, and I’m sure I’ll get struck by lightning for it.

In the history of all mankind, Jesus Christ is the lynchpin. The asterisk. The “letting go” moment if you’re a LOST nerd like me. His mere gracing of this rock has divided the world. He doesn’t change, but our opinions, beliefs, morals, and decisions are almost entirely based on Him and shift moronically to the point of constant flashes of light and bloody noses. J

Think about it. We make the right or wrong choices based on who Jesus is, what Jesus taught in His Word, and whether we believe any of it. We’ve trained ourselves to believe that we aren’t wrong about what we believe or know (that’s called being stubborn), and believe that we cannot change that about ourselves.

All that to say I believe there is a moment in our lives, just like when we saw LOST for the first time, that we are presented with this crazy notion of Jesus.

- Who is this guy to claim that he is God, let alone God’s Son?

- Who is he to say that only through him that we can have eternal life?

- What is this guy smoking?

I’ve read (and someone call me out if I misquoted) that when it comes to deciding whether Jesus was real, Jesus is one of two things:

- He is the promised Messiah, who came down to defeat sin and rescue us from death

- He is a complete lunatic; the most insane man to ever live

Unfortunately, because we are human, we tend to make a decision about Christ rather quickly. We either believe that He did save us from death and He loves us eternally, or this guy is no different than any other great teacher in history, whose ideas died with him.

I believe that we are all one day given that choice. Like LOST, we either completely reject who Jesus is because he is crazy, doesn’t fit what we like, and is unrealistic, or we dive head first, digging through the mysteries and questions, and wait for the end, when Jesus returns to take His children home.

The second question I had refers to my favorite themes of LOST: Science vs. Faith & the growing change of characters.

“Why is it so hard to believe?!”

“Why do you find it so easy?!”

“It’s never been easy!!”

That dialogue between Jack Shephard and John Locke in Season 2 (the season I was girl chasing) epitomizes the show. You either have faith in what might be, or you follow the facts. For the longest time mankind has be combing the world and what little we can of the universe for answers. It’s never-ending. We have this curiosity to find the answers.

Fans and haters alike watched LOST to find out the mysteries of the show. Yes, I agree, there are some questions still unanswered after the finale. Truthfully, I like it that way.

I remember a teacher in high school, Mr. Glenn Cook, who had something to say about answers to questions. He was a very passionate, almost insane, teacher of history, and he taught us to see history as a story to learn from, not as facts and dates. One day, he had all of the desks circled around the room. He grabbed a chair, dragged it to the middle, and said,

“Everything in this room represents everything there is to know in the universe. This chair in the middle, do you know what it represents? (He stands on the chair) This is everything mankind will ever find out.”

Now, some actual scientists, aka Smarter-than-Win, will probably tell me that we are on the verge of learning some of the greatest mysteries ever. You know what? I don’t particularly care. What’s happening billions of light years away doesn’t concern me. What I do care about is the mystery of God.

God’s got more secrets, mysteries, twists and turns LOST wouldn’t be able to shake a stick at. I find that learning about Him is more fascinating than anything. I believe knowing that my relationship with Him is constantly growing, I will find out more about Him, but never all of Him. The mystery of God wouldn’t be a mystery if we knew it all, and that would be pretty boring as we live here on Earth.

Yes, the question of Science vs. Faith does reflect my first question, but that’s where LOST was my favorite.

Jack Shephard and John Locke were not my favorite characters. However, seeing Jack as a stoic Mr. Fix-It man of Science, slowly turn into the man of Faith Locke was, became mesmerizing this last season and a half.

Doubters of LOST would probably say that all of the mysteries and events surround the show are beyond ridiculous:

- A smoke monster?

- A polar bear in the jungle?

- A light in the “heart” of the island?

- An electromagnet-resistant Scottish bro?

- A man who doesn’t age/wears too much eye liner?

Yes, I would agree that some of the mysteries of LOST are ridiculous. It does take a great deal of faith, and in LOST’s case, a butt load of patience, to believe such things.

You know what else I find ridiculous?

- That someone like Jesus became a Man

- Jesus decided that we are worth saving

- Instead of snapping his fingers, he suffers great pains to save me

- He wants to know me, like a father to his child

I thought the greatest strength of LOST was the way the characters were able to get through some of the most ridiculous, asinine ideas in television history and become better people.

“It’s not a realistic show,” something I’ve heard over and over. Duh. Of course it’s not. However, I see parallels again. Don’t we make it through ridiculous things, like paying the mortgage/college loans, being a single-parent, surviving genocide, giving birth, enduring wars, the pain of divorce, working like drones 9-5, or murderous sprees?

God didn’t design us to be formed completely at birth. He allows so many challenges to come our way. To some, these obstacles might be common, while others see them as far-fetched and difficult. Do I know what it was like to survive the horrible nightmare of the a segregated South in the 60s? Absolutely not. I do know what it was like growing up in middle school, and I learned from that. Middle school is crazy enough.

Like Jack, I feel that we all come out better people through trials and ridiculousness, when we have Faith in what might be, not what we already know.

It does seem silly to have Faith, not perfectly knowing where that faith in God might lead us. My folks never imagined that their faith would take them back to their country of birth to be a part of a great ministry and the growing of faith in China. My best friend didn’t know what to expect in his mission in Amsterdam, but I see how he’s more focused than ever on God’s plans for him.

Does faith lead to death, like Jack? Maybe. But seeing Jack’s face as he lied there on the ground, where this show all started, moved me. He had faith that his actions would help save his friends, and as he saw that plane fly overhead, you could see the weight lifted off his beaten body.

As he died in peace, I thought, “how would living out your faith affect you? What are you willing to sacrifice?”

10 Thoughts on Blazers' regular season end

1. This is why this sport rocks. Not only have the Blazers exceeded my expectations, they blew them out of the water just like some of their last opponents. Touche', Blazers

2. They are rockin' and rollin'. Everything's clicking. They got a ton of weapons, are extremely athletic, and possess almost zero fear. What a way to close out the season heading into the playoffs

3. Houston.... Yao Ming.... watch out. Since this is his fourth try getting out of the first round, I'll bet he's hungry to get out of that rut. After watching him dismantle both Pryzbilla and Oden the last time the Blazers played Houston, it's only a matter of how much destruction Yao will dish out on our posts. However, I'm optimistic because....

4. Pryzbilla wants to take Yao on. Pryzbilla's been such a force, and clearly one of the most underrated post players this year. Yes, his skill set offensively is lacking, yet he'll make up for it in effort. If he and Oden tag team it by keeping Yao at about a 10 foot radius away from the rim, Yao will be forced to use his jumper. He's got that shot, but I'd rather have Yao work for it than get Oden and Pryzbilla in foul trouble.

5. What the crap, Rudy and Outlaw? 70-some bench points against Denver? Outscoring your own starters? What a way to boost the rest of the bench's confidence. That boost will help us in the long run when it comes to bench play, which Portland clearly has an advantage over most teams in the league, save the Lakers.

6. Nate's got them focused. The open communication I've read from Jason Quick's "Inside the Locker Room" reports on Oregonlive.com says a lot about how this team is such a tight unit. The constant communication issues trust in each player... so vital in the post season

7. I'll give my left nut to be in Rose Garden. I haven't heard that place so jacked up since the late 90's. Rip City's presence has most definitely struck fear into the hearts of our opponents. Kobe's even mentioned how tough our house can be.

8. Oden. Oden. Great Oden's Raven.... what separates playoff contenders from pretenders is physicality. Oden's got that. We all know from his foul trouble. However, because it's the playoffs, and refs understand TV ratings, we'll most likely see Oden have even better nights, and I hope our perimeter players notice how much more room Oden will be able to work with less fouls called on him. Watch out.

9. I love Rudy, too. His confidence level hasn't wavered all year. The way he interchanged passes with Sergio to nail one of his last 3-pointers was classic. As much as I appreciate the fact that he's our deep threat, he's got the ability and athleticism to cut into the paint and make things happen. I hope Nate exploits that as well.

10. Roy. That 30-foot buzzer beater to beat Houston in November will ring clear in his mind. He fouled Yao a few seconds earlier that should've sealed the game for Houston that night. However, Roy, as young as he is, is pure clutch. His humble leadership through action will drag up this Blazer team by their bootstraps should something go wrong.

Rip City, baby.

10 Thoughts on Blazers' season opener

1. They don't make big men like they used to. Oden's getting hurt too easily, and that worries me.

2. Speed will kill us if we don't keep up. The Lakers were not using Jackson's famed Triangle offense. Instead, run & gun (unfortunately, my favorite kind of basketball) throttled Portland and put their head on a swivel.

3. Rudy Fernandez is legit. No joke. He is definitely everything we saw in Beijing. He can have the capacity to over do it or go too fast, but he is fearless.

4. NEVER give Kobe a reason to beat you, i.e. Joel Pryzbilla bumping him hard, otherwise he'll blow by you. He is the best player on the planet. Period. His presence alone helped Team USA win gold.

5. The Blazers are young. They aren't used to such a massive spotlight like last night's TNT showing. They had the world in their hand, and squashed it's chances. 

6. The way the West is shaping up, I think a playoff berth will be VERY tough, and it shouldn't be a surprise if they don't make it.

7. Brandon Roy is uber composed. Though he started 0-9 from the field, he led the team with a poker face and eventually brought his game, though in garbage time. I think keeping him healthy is WAY more important than Oden, though it sounds blasphemous. 

8. With Martell Webster out of the lineup, Travis Outlaw shined with 18 points. He has the ability to be so dynamic, but the shooting guard/small forward positions are so crammed on the roster, this is Outlaw's opportunity to strut his stuff. Last night was proof.

9. Nate McMillan shouldn't look so grumpy. I know he's a Sarge, but seriously, first game, dude.

10. Phil Jackson commented that they only had a big lead because Portland wasn't shooting well. He's got a point. Portland wasn't going to go inside without Oden, and LaMarcus was cold all night, so had a lot of open jumpers. This tells me two things: The Lakers are starting to play more aggressive D (which they did very well), and the Blazers are starting to become one-dimensional. If they don't start combining that very deep bench into a dynamic offense, without dropping the "old man's game" approach that worked so well last year, they will have a playoff chance.

Leaf blower

If you are not from Sherwood, or have just never visited, come during the fall, right around this time. Find Sunset Boulevard and head east on a crisp autumn morning when the sun is rising, or head west when it's deeper into the afternoon. If you ever do, you feel like you are stirring a sea of red, yellow, green and orange paint as it swirls around your car from all of the gorgeous trees lining the road for almost two miles.

I like this time of year. I enjoy the crisp, cold air while watching fantastic high school football (Newberg High is okay, and Sherwood High freakin' rocks). I love the sudden transition from summer to fall, and how drastically our moods change. I get stoked thinking about the snow that will soon be falling on Mt. Hood, my birthday (Oct 30th, and I like surprises...), and the opportunity to see most of my family once again for the holiday seasons. Change is always welcome in my life, especially when that stupid summer heat finally goes away :).

Unfortunately, though God is an unchanging God (thank goodness), that does not mean changes will happen to those who follow Him. 

I send this prayer request out to the few who read this blog: Pray for Willowbrook Free Methodist Church of Sherwood, Oregon.

As of right now, six families have left our small church for reasons either God-given, or other reasons I have no clue. Being such a small church, it is a big concern. I guess while growing up at Crossroads, the coming and going of families have not been a major concern of mine since it's so ginormous in the first place. On top of these families' departure, they were mostly people heavily involved in our church, like leadership team, small group leaders, directors, worship leader, food pantry coordinator, etc. 

When this trend started happening several months ago, our pastor and I agreed that this was good for our church, because we believe that Willowbrook is God's church; God's ministry... not ours. And right now, God is doing some major pruning.

I'll tell you this: There is no way I am leaving the church because of the lack of numbers. That's just silly to think about. The only way anyone's gonna pry me away would be either God's calling in my life or God closing Willowbrook's doors. 

I pray that the faithfulness of Willowbrook's remaining attendees stands firm in God, and that their trust is in Him and Him alone. I pray that we do not lose heart in these troubled times. I'm willing to bet that there are going to be some major sacrifices coming soon, and that some people might not like it. I pray that when those sacrifices do come, that we lean more on God's understanding and not our own. 

Pray that during this season of change, just as the colors on Sunset Blvd, that we see the end of the road, and ask God for guidance.

I urge you, my brethren in Christ, to pray for not only Willowbrook, but your ministry as well. Pray that God will constantly remind you that the ministry you are in is not yours. 

Beauty

Being your typical male, I think about women a lot. Unfortunately, I admit that I think about them sometimes in very bad and sinful ways. I've objectified them, and in my mind have slowly turned them into soul-less beings. Why? Because I'm sinful, and there's no other way around it. I might be a pastor, but that doesn't mean I'm immune to the clutches of sin and how it distorts my heart.

Why am I bringing this up? I just recently caught up with my oldest sister, who is the proud mother of two awesome girls, and a son baking in the oven. My nieces are 8 and 3, and they are more fun than finding Bigfoot. I joked with my sister about how they were going to be when they become teenagers. Needless to say, she was a little reluctant to acknowledge how fast they were growing, much less that her oldest daughter is already being hit on by mindless boys.

Now that I think about it, I don't blame her. More and more girls are being bombarded by the media (it's stereotypical, but don't deny the truth) to be "attractive," powerfully controlling, and sexually "not slutty." When I first babysat my first niece when she was only 1, I couldn't help but cry out in my heart "please, Lord, protect her from the lies of this world" as I held her sleeping, vulnerable body. 

What makes it worse is that girls are being taught to use their bodies to get what they want from men. I'll admit that as a guy it doesn't take much for an attractive woman to request something from me to get something she wants. 

As Joshua Harris pointed out, women these days are performing acts of pornography, though they are not actually in that horrid business. What he means is that the ways women dress and behave very much gets the attention of men, because just like the adult industry, they are understanding that men are physical, visual beings who feed heavily on these aspects. 

With that in mind, men are seen as despicable, perverted monsters. As Christians, men are expected to take full responsibility of where we look and how we act. Sorry, but it's a two-way street. 

Some of my best friends in high school were good-looking, athletic guys from my church. They didn't try showing off their bodies like high school jocks, but nonetheless, I knew that some gals in my youth group definitely did not mind seeing them with their shirts off during summer trips with swimming involved. Gals were not allowed to wear two-piece suits (seriously, THANK YOU), which was understandable. However, my friends and I realized that gals had the same problem that guys had with promiscuously dressed gals. I'm not one to brag, because I have extra baggage hanging around the waist, but some of my friends were determined to not take their shirts off during the summer activities to protect their sisters in Christ. 

After this past summer, I can't help but realize how many times my eyes have wandered wherever I went. Girls, please, there is a difference between dressing attractively, and dressing to attract. I'm not trying to put blame on you, because that's not my point. God has told all of us, not just men, to not even have a HINT of sexual immorality. It's something all of us need to work on. I know it's hard in our society, but then again, God tells us we are in this world, not of it. That means we shouldn't worry about what others think of us. Period. Only God should be at the forefront of our minds. 

I like women. As Paul said, if I burn with passion, I should (and probably will) get married someday. God made them beautiful to look at. I think women should realize that they were created by God to be beautiful by His standards, not ours. For instance, I know that there have been girls I've fallen for in the past whom I was greatly attracted to because they put God and others first. The wisdom and love they had for our Lord and the humility they show was WAY more attractive to me than just their looks, though they helped, because God intended it that way. My pastor once said to his former youth gals "If the guy you are dating or want to date does not put God first in his life, he's not worth it. Period." Obviously, this can be flipped around to guys. 

This summer, I went to a few weddings. Two of them in particular were outdoors on absolutely gorgeous Pacific Northwest summer nights. My favorite of the two was at Tilikum Retreat Center just outside Newberg, Oregon. The couple met while they were counsellors for the summer kid camps a year or so back. Their wedding was on a grassy hill, with the sun setting behind them. Needless to say, it was perfect. 

I love weddings, not because they remind me of my singleness (which I'm currently fine with at the moment), or that it's a party. I love it because I think God is there celebrating with us, dancing with the guests, tearing up next to the parents, giving the bride away at the alter, and joining the couple in holy matrimony. I can imagine a huge, fat smile run across our Lord's face when the couple kiss! :) That's the picture God has for each of us who will marry one day.

Too many times I see couples in public who look perfect; hair, body, physique, face... everything you can picture as "perfect." Yet as they walk, not hand in hand, not side by side, they seem lost, uncontrolled, and unhappy with something. The union was not unified. We see this in celebrities, who look perfect, but we hear stories of the brokenness and destruction of marriage not based on Christ, and end in nasty divorces. 

This is a commentary on Proverbs 31:

"Above all, she fears the Lord. Beauty recommends non to God, nor is it any proof of wisdom and goodness, but it has deceived many a man who made his choice of a wife by it. But the fear of God reigning in the heart, is the beauty of the soul; it lasts forever."

The women I described to have the attributes I'm attracted towards has this. I know her physical beauty will only last a short while, but her soul will last forever, and I like to know that one day my future wife will last forever :).

Like it was yesterday...

Everyone has a story, and with every story a part of your soul is exposed.

Just like everyone else in this country, I, too, remember where I was and what I was doing on September 11, 2001.

I was waking up, just a few days into my junior year of high school. My alarm clock went off around 6:00 am Pacific time that day. I usually like to get up earlier because I don't like rushing my mornings. The alarm was set to station 103.3, a soft-rock station I grew up listening to in the morning while being whisked off to school. Craig & John, the hosts of the morning show at the time, said something about a plane flying into the World Trade Center. Being a non-morning person, I vaguely heard those words and just assumed a puny prop plane crashed into it, and went halfway back to sleep, shortly after the radio hosts casually mentioned their own memories of the WTC bombing nearly a decade earlier. Little did I know that I woke up 15 minutes after the first crash into the North Tower.

As I gradually got up, I heard the seriousness on Craig and John's voices climb steadily. I was all ready for school, and I went down to the kitchen where my dad was sipping his morning coffee and reading his newspapers. 

"Hey Dad, did you hear?"

"Hear about what?" he asked.

"A plane crashed into the World Trade Center."

"Sounds like an accident."

We flipped on the small television in our kitchen, and sure enough, every channel had live coverage of the North Tower pluming smoke and fire around it's upper mid section, the chatter of news reporters throwing fact and rumor in every direction as reports and tips came streaming through. That's when I realized it was more serious than I thought, but still considered it an accident. 

That's when the second plane came. I was probably in the bathroom, but I didn't see it happen. My dad told me about it. Then I knew, mostly because the news reporters were saying it, that this was no accident. 

My dad said all we can do right now is pray. So on my way to school, I did that, but I still wasn't emotionally affected by this disaster. It wasn't in perspective to me yet.

I got to school, and every TV available was plugged in to some random classrooms throughout the school watching the news coverage. Every teacher was late to class because we were all watching. By the time I got there, they were replaying coverage of the South Tower collapsing, the damage at the Pentagon, and shortly the news of Flight 93 crashing in Pennsylvania came in. Then I saw the North Tower collapse live, and the skyline of NYC was changed forever.

Already the reliable grapevine of any high school, fellow classmates were saying they heard the White house had suicide bombers holding the staff members hostage, and the State Department was hit by a car bomb. Obviously, none of that was true, but you couldn't help but wonder on a day like that.

When I first heard about the damage and the potential amount of people who died, I didn't feel anything. Don't kill me, but I originally thought that the victims were lucky, especially those who could have been Christians. I was like "dude, they get to go to heaven!"

Yes, I lacked some tact as I mentioned this to a few of my classmates. But as the gravity of the situation permeated into each class session, the discussions, the tears, and the great cloud of sorrow started hanging over every person in this country, I realized how wrong I was to think such things in a great tragedy. Yes, I know it to be true that if there were some Christians in those buildings or in those jets, they are celebrating eternity with our Heavenly Lord as I write this. Yet, the sudden impact of human loss in this country united us. Historians were saying how this made Pearl Harbor look like minor in comparison. In my English class we wrote down our thoughts and prayers, as a few of my classmates cried tears of worry and sorrow for family and friends living in NYC. 

I did come to my senses, and the emotion did start running through me as I went to youth group the next night, hearing the casualty count continue to rise throughout the days and weeks. 

Each American has this memory of human loss, yet I find it ironic. I remember discussing this with a dear friend of mine shortly after the attacks, and he gave me a slap in the face with this:

"Now we know how the Middle East feels with all the violence they see every day."

He wasn't trying to justify the attacks. No justification will ever make these attacks seems remotely good. He was trying to make me understand that we do live in a bubble here in America, and the freedom we do enjoy is abused, neglected, and taken for granted on a daily basis. The invulnerability of this country was shattered, just like the egos of the builders of the Titanic, or the creators of the Tower of Babel. 

Maybe these attacks happened because this country needs a wake up call; that we aren't the only ones on this planet that matter. The international outreach of the country was strong, but it needs to be stronger as the world gets worse. We keep slapping the snooze button, unaware of the rotting that is happening, and not looking out for each other. Instead, we choose party sides, bash each other, horde resources, and spend money like it's going out of style. Are we the rich fool of Luke 12, thinking that the success we have is ours? Do we forget that this is unofficially (and hopefully stays that way) a Christian nation, and that what we have is just on loan from God?

We love claiming the good for our own, and place the bad as God's fault. How much more so is to realize the importance of God's love? His love isn't set by our standards. His love doesn't have an agenda. His love doesn't require a contract. For better or for worse, He loves us. As a nation, if we realize this, God's kingdom would soar, like our symbolic bald eagle.

I'm usually full of crap. And I had a long day at work.

Don't worry about it.