That's the spirit!

Christmas time is here! Isn't it wonderful? There's delicious food to be eaten, laughter to be shared, and memories to be made in this annual tradition. Relatives are visiting or visited (for better or worse), and humorous get togethers with old friends frequent our smart phone calendars, wrapped tightly around our mad dash for gifts. The enrapturing smile of children opening their gifts and the sigh of relief from millions of workers and students on a short break or vacation alleviate the pressures of society for some short, but very sweet, moments.

On the flip side, millions of people every holiday season get lost in the shuffle. Depression, loneliness, unemployment... these are definitely not uncommon to most families. Most people in the social media world are a little disgusted by the consumerist nature of the United States, yet there aren't many steps taken to quell that belief. Some are dismayed by the simple use of "X" in "Xmas," when "X" in the original Greek is the first letter for "Christ," so nothing is replaced in my opinion (yes, I just had a nerd moment), while others hate the term "Happy Holidays."

I think in our current culture it's difficult for almost everyone this time of year, because when we've settled down with our families, and reflect on the year that has almost passed by, we feel like we've missed an opportunity, or made a mistake, or damaged a relationship. We're fearful of the consequences. We doubt our abilities and our knowledge to move forward with... well, anything.

Recently, my old church's worship director helped record a wonderful Christmas album featuring many of the musicians who volunteer their time for Sunday services. It's well done, with personal, modern twists in lyrical structures of classics. However, the part that moved me to near tears was the final track:

http://countrysidecommunitychurch.bandcamp.com/track/the-nativity-story

A child, in one take, emulated Linus' rendition of the Christmas story. It's filled with mistakes. He called Caesar Augustus "Keeser," and instead of a "census," he says "a Kansas should be taken." It's simply delightful. Should he have been corrected and do another take? Probably, but I think it's brilliant. He bravely carried on, without much thought to his pronunciation limitations. This recitation of Scripture helped me understand a few things:

1. I'm still young, and I do not have a perfectly wrapped up answer to life.
2. Jesus tells us to have faith like a child, and I think we've seriously missed that idea. We put up charades and masks and piles of knowledge and know-how, it's easy to forget that we should be okay with our limitations, and grow in them
3. We're going to make mistakes. We will believe something differently 5, 10, 30 years from now. It's okay to have a different opinion or belief. Circumstances change.

I hope y'all have a wonderful Christmas season. Reflect on this past year with renewed hope; the hope given in a dirty, germ-infested trough in Bethlehem.

Acting of Thanks

At my old church in Oregon, they have a Thanksgiving Eve service. I know, it sounds weird... like another attempt at naming a random American holiday. There's worship, a very brief message usually in reflection form, and then... open mic for those in attendance to give thanks for what they have/been through.

Three years ago, as a super volunteer with the church's youth group, I had this nagging sensation:

"Win... go up to the mic."

I asked myself why.

"C'mon... it won't hurt much. I promise."

So I did. I proceeded to tell about my story. I'll keep it brief:

- May of 2009, my former church where I was a part-time youth pastor, closed its doors

- Summer 2009, I was angry at the Church. I questioned God's purpose for me in vocational ministry

- Late August 2009, one of my best friends coaxed me back into youth ministry with him at this church.

In short, on the verge of tears, I told the congregation how grateful I was for one simple reason: They looked at an angry, bitter 26-year old youth worker, took me in, and embraced me. They didn't seek an explanation for my failures, nor shunned me because of my baggage. Most of all, I felt like part of a family. In that moment, I felt like Christ was grasping me in His arms, crying with me, assuring me that I was loved, by Him and His Church.

I hope you have that. I hope you have a family or a church community or covenant group or underwater basket weaving class or anything that overflows with the love of Christ, filled with an infectious mercy that's firm and knowing, affirming your created being as God's child.

Be the Church. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

Confession

I haven't been on here forever. I was busy for a majority of the time since my last post. Ironically, I'm back in school full-time, and I'm using this opportunity to get away from the busyness. So here is what's going on:

I've been far removed from my comfort zone for the last 3 months. I uprooted from the Pacific Northwest and replanted myself near the Athens of America... Boston, MA. It took my father and I 4.5 days and 3,100 miles from Vancouver, WA to a place 30 min outside of Boston in South Hamilton, MA, where I'm currently studying my face off for a Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

I'm not going to lie. I miss home. How much? 

When it's drizzling/raining/pouring, I think of home.

When I take a sip of nasty coffee, I think of PNW-based coffee.

I make sure I'm wearing my Mariners, Huskies, Timbers, or Blazers gear on a regular basis to let people know that the West Coast is the Best Coast.

Here's the problem. Being out here has exposed my true nature exponentially. 

- I use humor and sarcasm to keep people at arm's length. A by-product of that behavior? I go too far and insult people, passively feeling superior "because of my wit."

- I feel useless when I cannot contribute to an intellectual/theological conversation without sounding like an idiot.

- In an academic environment, I don't feel like anything is getting done. That bothers me. I don't see tangibility in this arena. 

However, there's a few things that encourage me about my new environment:

- There are many different backgrounds and ideologies here. Many I have never encountered. It's quite freeing to know that I don't know that much

- Being here has given me perspective on my own life and insecurities. It's obvious that I have social, spiritual, and psychological problems that need to be addressed.

- I get a fresh start, with new people and places. Bad habits have an opportunity to die here.

So here's where I'm going. This is who I am.

I'm a jerk. I feel a sense of arrogance in my age from my experience and my ability to adapt with a laid-back attitude. I have a lot of baggage, and I tend to drag many innocent people into my storm.

This is my request to all of you.

Please forgive me. I don't know any better. Call me out. Don't let me get away with behavior not reflective of my Savior and King. I am not better than you and I never will be. Help me be a better friend, brother, servant, and son, as a member of the Church. Please challenge me. Ask hard questions.

Love.

The last couple of weeks I've been thinking about this particular word:

Love.

It's such a dynamic word. We use it for so many things:

I love sleep.

I love food.

I love my friends.

I love my iPod.

I love exercise (huh?).

I love ___.

It's a word that can be such a powerful yet messy force, yet it's thrown around like the bills you get in the mail.

This theme of love has been at such a forefront in my life lately. I was in Montana with my immediate family for Christmas. Hands down the best time I've had with my family in a long time. During my 9 day stay, I had the privilege of seeing the ups and downs my sister and brother-in-law endure with their 10, 5, and now 2-year old children. Parents can say it all they want: they try to treat their kids the same way. But they don't. Yet, to me that is not a bad thing at all.

My sister did not bear three fence posts. All of her kids are very different, and each require different kinds of attention. To her kids, that might not seem fair. From my perspective, I see the kind of love only parents understand. She loves each of them equally and wholly above everything else besides her relationship with God, and her love adapts to what the child needs.

I'm currently studying the story of the raising of Lazarus from the dead. In the past, I've focused so much on the "wow" factor that Jesus did this awesome miracle that I have forgotten the rest of the story. Little did I know that the entire way Jesus was teaching his disciples, and Lazarus' grieving sisters, that God's will overrules theirs. Period. It's not that God did not listen to Mary and Martha's plea for healing. It's just that they expected Jesus to do something sweet. They took Jesus like a Staples "EASY" button and assumed everything would be fine.

Obviously, we know the ending of this story. God's glory was revealed in such tremendous fashion that most scholars believe if Jesus simply said "Come out" the entire tomb full of dead people would've waltzed out! God in His magnificent foresight knew that people were taking Jesus for granted and needed to realize Who He really is.

Continuing this theme of love I've been around, I couldn't help but notice something about one of the more famous verses in the Bible. John 11:35, the shortest verse in the Bible, simply states "Jesus wept." Before that John wrote that Jesus saw Lazarus' sisters crying and was "deeply moved in spirit and troubled" (11:33b, NIV). I never thought about why Jesus, God made flesh, would be troubled by this event. However, you would have to go back to the beginning of the chapter and see that the messengers Mary and Martha sent out to Jesus about Lazarus simply said "Lord, the one you love is sick." (11:3b, NIV) Lazarus and his family were very close to Jesus. Almost like family. Now the picture is in focus. Jesus, being God and Man at once, could feel and mourn like we do. Scholars think that Jesus was reacting to the nature of death, and how its sting brings sadness to the people He loves. Though Jesus was and is God, He feels and was saddened by how sin in the world has brought us great pains and sorrows.

I may be talking out of my big fat butt, but this story created for me a more real mental picture of Jesus and how powerful and deep his affection for us will go. Near the end of my high school senior year, my friend Chris and I had some "free time" between classes, so we decided to listen to some music and nap in my car. Before we dozed off, without any provoking he was telling me how wonderful his girlfriend Brooke (now his wife) is and how he adored her. At the time all I could think of was "duh, you've been after her since the 7th grade," yet this little blip has stuck in my mind.

I can imagine Jesus sharing his deep love and adoration for us. He probably talks to God or the angels about the struggles we endure, the things we need to learn, and all the growing we need to do. He is there when we fall off our bike, or get straight A's, or rebelliously ignore Him, or repeatedly make the wrong decisions, or leap into His arms to bear hug Him, or soak his robe in sobbing tears. Unfortunately not everyone in the world has had a great model to picture God as a loving Father. How tragic! Nevertheless, shouldn't that compel us even more so to love with such a deep love and forgiving grace to one another as God does?! I submit that yes, it does. It is so hard to do, but what a great model to follow!

So we are His portion and He is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking!

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

And I don't have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way

That He loves us

Oh how He loves us - John Mark McMillan

LOST & Jesus

Like the other 13.5 million people in this country, I, too, watched the last episode of LOST with vigor and curiosity. It’s amazing to think that such a polarizing show, on the small screen and by the water coolers, had such profound effects on people, fans and haters alike.

Here are some posts I saw from Twitter and Facebook last night:

- “LOST LOST LOST LOST…. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG”

- “I am proud to say that I’ve never watched LOST, and I’m not going to start now.”

- “REALLY LOST?!?!”

- “What a beautiful, poignant piece of television.”

- “Wow, the writers got SUPER lazy. I wasted 6 years for that?!?!”

- “Thank you, LOST, for such an incredible journey. Nothing else like it!!!”

- “LOST is still stupid”

- “If I wanted to watch a show about people on a deserted island, I’ll watch Gilligan re-runs.”

- “24 is better”

It’s generally understood that if you started watching LOST from the beginning, you’ve already made pre-conceived ideas on what the show is and how it was going to play out. If you found yourself watching it somewhere in the middle (yours truly included), you had to choose between:

- Finding out more and diving in deep

- Blowing it off with reckless abandon

Because I am a guy and I’m stupid like that, I started following LOST because a gal I liked loved the show. My first impressions of LOST were simple:

- “It looks like Gilligan’s Island.”

- “The show won’t last long. Wouldn’t they have been found by a month at most? They got satellites that could see a quarter on the beach.”

Yet, through of my stupidity, and my lack of foresight to realize the gal I liked was WAY out of my league (or in my favorite term, “out-kicking my coverage”), I grasped the greatest aspect of the show… it’s ability to convey the emotions, conflict, and growth this international cast brought to us for 6 seasons.

There are so many views and topics to discuss about the show, like how half the characters are named after philosophers, or that they made it an intelligent show full of physics and literature references, or some of life’s questions involving fate/destiny is intertwined with our ability to choose. As fun as that stuff is, I found myself asking two questions regarding LOST’s effect on people:

First, how is the actual task of watching LOST related to how people respond to Jesus?

I know. That’s a really dumb question. Jacob, the god-like figure of the island, and MiB (Man in Black), argued about the nature of man. Jacob believed that man was inherently good, and MiB believed that man was corrupt (“They come. They fight. They destroy. They corrupt. It always ends the same.”)

In many ways, yes, MiB was right from a Biblical perspective. Mankind is evil. All you need to do is look at our history of violence. We are capable of such terrible things, and it’s only by God’s grace and that mercy we are able to reflect His grace and mercy.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

Of almost everyone I’ve run into in the last 6 years since LOST started, there have been two groups formed:

- Those who absolutely love LOST, and can’t get enough of it.

- Those who despise LOST, and think it’s the dumbest thing ever.

What LOST is doesn’t change because of what the audience thinks (though we’ve learned that executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse kept a close eye on LOST message boards to see if anyone was close in guessing what was next, therefore throwing everyone through loops… to me, that’s smart). People react to the show because of who they are and what they believe a television show should be. It is very hard to change the mind of any individual who’s made a decision regarding something that we (yes, us Americans) find as “important” as a television show.

Do you not see the parallel when it comes to Christ? Yes, it’s a very stupid analogy, and I’m sure I’ll get struck by lightning for it.

In the history of all mankind, Jesus Christ is the lynchpin. The asterisk. The “letting go” moment if you’re a LOST nerd like me. His mere gracing of this rock has divided the world. He doesn’t change, but our opinions, beliefs, morals, and decisions are almost entirely based on Him and shift moronically to the point of constant flashes of light and bloody noses. J

Think about it. We make the right or wrong choices based on who Jesus is, what Jesus taught in His Word, and whether we believe any of it. We’ve trained ourselves to believe that we aren’t wrong about what we believe or know (that’s called being stubborn), and believe that we cannot change that about ourselves.

All that to say I believe there is a moment in our lives, just like when we saw LOST for the first time, that we are presented with this crazy notion of Jesus.

- Who is this guy to claim that he is God, let alone God’s Son?

- Who is he to say that only through him that we can have eternal life?

- What is this guy smoking?

I’ve read (and someone call me out if I misquoted) that when it comes to deciding whether Jesus was real, Jesus is one of two things:

- He is the promised Messiah, who came down to defeat sin and rescue us from death

- He is a complete lunatic; the most insane man to ever live

Unfortunately, because we are human, we tend to make a decision about Christ rather quickly. We either believe that He did save us from death and He loves us eternally, or this guy is no different than any other great teacher in history, whose ideas died with him.

I believe that we are all one day given that choice. Like LOST, we either completely reject who Jesus is because he is crazy, doesn’t fit what we like, and is unrealistic, or we dive head first, digging through the mysteries and questions, and wait for the end, when Jesus returns to take His children home.

The second question I had refers to my favorite themes of LOST: Science vs. Faith & the growing change of characters.

“Why is it so hard to believe?!”

“Why do you find it so easy?!”

“It’s never been easy!!”

That dialogue between Jack Shephard and John Locke in Season 2 (the season I was girl chasing) epitomizes the show. You either have faith in what might be, or you follow the facts. For the longest time mankind has be combing the world and what little we can of the universe for answers. It’s never-ending. We have this curiosity to find the answers.

Fans and haters alike watched LOST to find out the mysteries of the show. Yes, I agree, there are some questions still unanswered after the finale. Truthfully, I like it that way.

I remember a teacher in high school, Mr. Glenn Cook, who had something to say about answers to questions. He was a very passionate, almost insane, teacher of history, and he taught us to see history as a story to learn from, not as facts and dates. One day, he had all of the desks circled around the room. He grabbed a chair, dragged it to the middle, and said,

“Everything in this room represents everything there is to know in the universe. This chair in the middle, do you know what it represents? (He stands on the chair) This is everything mankind will ever find out.”

Now, some actual scientists, aka Smarter-than-Win, will probably tell me that we are on the verge of learning some of the greatest mysteries ever. You know what? I don’t particularly care. What’s happening billions of light years away doesn’t concern me. What I do care about is the mystery of God.

God’s got more secrets, mysteries, twists and turns LOST wouldn’t be able to shake a stick at. I find that learning about Him is more fascinating than anything. I believe knowing that my relationship with Him is constantly growing, I will find out more about Him, but never all of Him. The mystery of God wouldn’t be a mystery if we knew it all, and that would be pretty boring as we live here on Earth.

Yes, the question of Science vs. Faith does reflect my first question, but that’s where LOST was my favorite.

Jack Shephard and John Locke were not my favorite characters. However, seeing Jack as a stoic Mr. Fix-It man of Science, slowly turn into the man of Faith Locke was, became mesmerizing this last season and a half.

Doubters of LOST would probably say that all of the mysteries and events surround the show are beyond ridiculous:

- A smoke monster?

- A polar bear in the jungle?

- A light in the “heart” of the island?

- An electromagnet-resistant Scottish bro?

- A man who doesn’t age/wears too much eye liner?

Yes, I would agree that some of the mysteries of LOST are ridiculous. It does take a great deal of faith, and in LOST’s case, a butt load of patience, to believe such things.

You know what else I find ridiculous?

- That someone like Jesus became a Man

- Jesus decided that we are worth saving

- Instead of snapping his fingers, he suffers great pains to save me

- He wants to know me, like a father to his child

I thought the greatest strength of LOST was the way the characters were able to get through some of the most ridiculous, asinine ideas in television history and become better people.

“It’s not a realistic show,” something I’ve heard over and over. Duh. Of course it’s not. However, I see parallels again. Don’t we make it through ridiculous things, like paying the mortgage/college loans, being a single-parent, surviving genocide, giving birth, enduring wars, the pain of divorce, working like drones 9-5, or murderous sprees?

God didn’t design us to be formed completely at birth. He allows so many challenges to come our way. To some, these obstacles might be common, while others see them as far-fetched and difficult. Do I know what it was like to survive the horrible nightmare of the a segregated South in the 60s? Absolutely not. I do know what it was like growing up in middle school, and I learned from that. Middle school is crazy enough.

Like Jack, I feel that we all come out better people through trials and ridiculousness, when we have Faith in what might be, not what we already know.

It does seem silly to have Faith, not perfectly knowing where that faith in God might lead us. My folks never imagined that their faith would take them back to their country of birth to be a part of a great ministry and the growing of faith in China. My best friend didn’t know what to expect in his mission in Amsterdam, but I see how he’s more focused than ever on God’s plans for him.

Does faith lead to death, like Jack? Maybe. But seeing Jack’s face as he lied there on the ground, where this show all started, moved me. He had faith that his actions would help save his friends, and as he saw that plane fly overhead, you could see the weight lifted off his beaten body.

As he died in peace, I thought, “how would living out your faith affect you? What are you willing to sacrifice?”

10 Thoughts on Blazers' regular season end

1. This is why this sport rocks. Not only have the Blazers exceeded my expectations, they blew them out of the water just like some of their last opponents. Touche', Blazers

2. They are rockin' and rollin'. Everything's clicking. They got a ton of weapons, are extremely athletic, and possess almost zero fear. What a way to close out the season heading into the playoffs

3. Houston.... Yao Ming.... watch out. Since this is his fourth try getting out of the first round, I'll bet he's hungry to get out of that rut. After watching him dismantle both Pryzbilla and Oden the last time the Blazers played Houston, it's only a matter of how much destruction Yao will dish out on our posts. However, I'm optimistic because....

4. Pryzbilla wants to take Yao on. Pryzbilla's been such a force, and clearly one of the most underrated post players this year. Yes, his skill set offensively is lacking, yet he'll make up for it in effort. If he and Oden tag team it by keeping Yao at about a 10 foot radius away from the rim, Yao will be forced to use his jumper. He's got that shot, but I'd rather have Yao work for it than get Oden and Pryzbilla in foul trouble.

5. What the crap, Rudy and Outlaw? 70-some bench points against Denver? Outscoring your own starters? What a way to boost the rest of the bench's confidence. That boost will help us in the long run when it comes to bench play, which Portland clearly has an advantage over most teams in the league, save the Lakers.

6. Nate's got them focused. The open communication I've read from Jason Quick's "Inside the Locker Room" reports on Oregonlive.com says a lot about how this team is such a tight unit. The constant communication issues trust in each player... so vital in the post season

7. I'll give my left nut to be in Rose Garden. I haven't heard that place so jacked up since the late 90's. Rip City's presence has most definitely struck fear into the hearts of our opponents. Kobe's even mentioned how tough our house can be.

8. Oden. Oden. Great Oden's Raven.... what separates playoff contenders from pretenders is physicality. Oden's got that. We all know from his foul trouble. However, because it's the playoffs, and refs understand TV ratings, we'll most likely see Oden have even better nights, and I hope our perimeter players notice how much more room Oden will be able to work with less fouls called on him. Watch out.

9. I love Rudy, too. His confidence level hasn't wavered all year. The way he interchanged passes with Sergio to nail one of his last 3-pointers was classic. As much as I appreciate the fact that he's our deep threat, he's got the ability and athleticism to cut into the paint and make things happen. I hope Nate exploits that as well.

10. Roy. That 30-foot buzzer beater to beat Houston in November will ring clear in his mind. He fouled Yao a few seconds earlier that should've sealed the game for Houston that night. However, Roy, as young as he is, is pure clutch. His humble leadership through action will drag up this Blazer team by their bootstraps should something go wrong.

Rip City, baby.

10 Thoughts on Blazers' season opener

1. They don't make big men like they used to. Oden's getting hurt too easily, and that worries me.

2. Speed will kill us if we don't keep up. The Lakers were not using Jackson's famed Triangle offense. Instead, run & gun (unfortunately, my favorite kind of basketball) throttled Portland and put their head on a swivel.

3. Rudy Fernandez is legit. No joke. He is definitely everything we saw in Beijing. He can have the capacity to over do it or go too fast, but he is fearless.

4. NEVER give Kobe a reason to beat you, i.e. Joel Pryzbilla bumping him hard, otherwise he'll blow by you. He is the best player on the planet. Period. His presence alone helped Team USA win gold.

5. The Blazers are young. They aren't used to such a massive spotlight like last night's TNT showing. They had the world in their hand, and squashed it's chances. 

6. The way the West is shaping up, I think a playoff berth will be VERY tough, and it shouldn't be a surprise if they don't make it.

7. Brandon Roy is uber composed. Though he started 0-9 from the field, he led the team with a poker face and eventually brought his game, though in garbage time. I think keeping him healthy is WAY more important than Oden, though it sounds blasphemous. 

8. With Martell Webster out of the lineup, Travis Outlaw shined with 18 points. He has the ability to be so dynamic, but the shooting guard/small forward positions are so crammed on the roster, this is Outlaw's opportunity to strut his stuff. Last night was proof.

9. Nate McMillan shouldn't look so grumpy. I know he's a Sarge, but seriously, first game, dude.

10. Phil Jackson commented that they only had a big lead because Portland wasn't shooting well. He's got a point. Portland wasn't going to go inside without Oden, and LaMarcus was cold all night, so had a lot of open jumpers. This tells me two things: The Lakers are starting to play more aggressive D (which they did very well), and the Blazers are starting to become one-dimensional. If they don't start combining that very deep bench into a dynamic offense, without dropping the "old man's game" approach that worked so well last year, they will have a playoff chance.